Starlight of a Moonbeam

When A Wolf Howls - Age 19 (Fenrys POV)

One touch. One single touch is all it would take for me to snap. And I feel the leach I've done everything in my power to maintain for the past nineteen years, threaten to break. But she's still so young, not even two decades old. And she would hate me for it.

Standing in the shadow of an alcove, leaning against the cool marble pillar, I allow the polite smile to drop and the true monster of my feelings to peek through. Here no one will see my glare or learn the truth, here no one can find my raging heart, except for her if she were ever paying attention.

It's not like I couldn't find someone for the night if I wished. Several females had been making eyes and sending signals my way all night. But I didn't want it, don't want them. Only her.

Hearing the sounds of a couple a few alcoves down sneaking out of the grand ballroom's view and into the darkness as I have done, I grit my teeth in disgust and shift uncomfortably as jealousy starts to grow. Would that one day be me and my mate? Sneaking off together? Would she allow me to kiss her if she knew? Would she even want me at all? 

Shaking my head to be rid of those needling thoughts, I clench my jaw tighter and reach a hand down to the dagger at my belt. Pulling the blade free, I twirl it between and around my fingers as my eyes inevitably find their way back to where she is, where she dances, and I shamelessly imagine stabbing my blade through her partner's back.

To celebrate the day the great war ended, many of the kingdoms and queendoms decided to join together this year to revel in the festivities together meeting in Adarlan and staying for several weeks to enjoy the time together.

Many from Orynth had come: Aelin, Rowan, Elena, Elide, Almuru, Lysandra, Aedion, Evangeline, Ren, Veru. Vaughan had chosen not to come and keeping her promise to me, Lorcan hadn't been invited. Chaol and Yrene were of course here, with their daughter Sorcha, some of Rowan's distant family were also present, even Ansel and Adar had come bringing with them Manon, Petra, and surprisingly Bronwen. But to the joy of Chaol and Dorian, Nesryn and Sartaq had come, bringing with them, Hasar, Renia, and the prince whose arms held Elena in the center of the dancefloor, sweeping her across the mirrored marble and swirling her so the skirts of her red and golden dress flared out like singing flames.

When she'd first descended the stairs to the hall where all of us who had come from Terrasen had gathered to enter together, my heart had stopped at the sight of her. The long sleeves of red had been cut in elegant strips so bits of her skin was visible, rising just to the bottoms of her collarbone where the fabric halted at a thick gold band around her throat, tightly fitting her bodice to the waist and then falling in waves of fire, her skirts flowed to the floor, bedecked with thousands of gold, red, orange, and light blue gems. Her long fae ears were cuffed and crowned with gold vines, and an antler tiara atop her head, laced with gold as well.

But as she descended those stairs, I hid the desire and longing for her that has only grown the older she's become and hid away those thoughts and dreams as I have always done.

When everyone had gathered, we strode through the halls to the main ballroom where music and joy awaited. Aelin first with Rowan on her arm, Elena to her mother's right a few steps behind, with me trailing after her. Where everyone else was in the procession, I didn't care. All I could think about were the years, the months, the days, where I've walked behind her, where I've followed behind her turned back. And as we walked into the room and flowed down the grand stairs, I saw each and every pair of eyes that had focused on Elena, I knew of every hungry and longing stare, and it was all I could do not to reach for her hand, her arm, and tuck her to my side, to let them know she was mine.

After the first ten minutes, I couldn't take it anymore. The approaching males and men, the stares and looks, the terrible jokes and attempts to woo her, and the way I stood a few steps back and watched. And for the first time since she was born, it was easier not to be so near to her.