Starlight of a Moonbeam

Words In Captivity, Four - Age 20 (Elena POV)

AN:
Sorry everyone for making you wait! This chapter took longer than expected to plan out as I wasn't quite sure how I wanted it to go at first, but I hope you like it! 💛

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Elena pov:

There is a letter in my hand. A letter of midnight ink on dark ivy parchment paper and scented with lavender and pine. A love letter from a past lover, now friend, who I'm supposed to marry. A letter I do not remember as it slips from my fingers and falls to the floor.

Fenrys kisses me roughly, angrily, like a starved wolf given a feast. His hands hold me in a locked embrace, one wrapping around my waist keeping my stomach flush with his, the other woven into my hair at the back of my head keeping me in place as he...

I can't think when his tongue sweeps into my mouth – I must have parted my lips. My own tongue is frozen, unmoving, as his traces every inch of my mouth as if he were trying to memorize it. When his tongue luxuriously sweeps over mine, I start to kiss him back.

I don't know what I'm doing. I've kissed people plenty of times and yet this feels entirely different. I'm not in control of myself, not my hands that grip his arms, not my body that pushes closer to his, not my lips that move with his, not my heart that won't stop pounding, and not my mind that is blank and silent – all thought: gone.

Fenrys kisses me and kisses me and kisses me.

I've never felt anything like this, like freezing over entirely and not being able to move, or thawing just to the point of function but without any thought to movement at all. I feel like I'm learning how to walk again, or even lift up my head. I feel like everything I've ever known has been swept away and I've been forced to start over.

Instinct is all that keeps me standing, all that drives me to kiss him back. Aside from that, I don't even know if I want him to kiss me.

Fenrys growls and his hand strokes down my hip to my thigh in a possessive manner. His broad hand wraps around my thigh and hefts it up around his waist, earning a breathless gasp from my lips when the limited distance between our cores is suddenly stripped away.

The way he's holding me and kissing me feels... good. It feels stimulating and arousing. I'm not not enjoying this, but I can't tell if I'm enjoying it either.

There's no sense to this, no meaning or reason. I feel completely out of control and not at all safe. I know that Fenrys would never hurt me, somewhere deep inside me, I know that. But I don't know how far this will go either, and don't think I have any power to stop it from happening.

Fenrys pauses for a moment and leans back just enough to stare into my eyes. He must have noted my confusion.

As I stare into his onyx eyes, I realize two things: Fenrys, a male whom I have grown up with, who I thought of as a friend of my father's, who then became my friend, who hated and despised my other lovers, who was unreasonably angry when he thought I was to be married, just kissed me; and I have no idea if I want to kiss him again.

This male, whom I imaturely lusted after that day behind the waterfall, this male whom I have thought about constantly since he went away, whom I forbade myself to ever think of romantically again, has kissed me – thoroughly.

And I don't know why.

I'm so confused, so shaken, lost, destabilized. I feel as if the ground has broken beneath me and I were falling into the abyss below.

I don't know what to think. I don't know how to think. I'm so confused that I'm angry.

I'm angry that he yelled at me earlier, I'm angry that he called me a liar. I'm angry that he's furious with me for having been with someone else. I'm angry because he has no right to scold me like he's done. And I'm angry that he kissed me and made me so fundamentally confused.