Unrequited Love

Chapter 23 - Luciana

I woke up with a start, heart thudding violently in my chest. Before I knew it, I was up and in the bathroom, emptying my stomach of last night's dinner. It was always the same. It had been that way for the past eight years now. Waking up screaming or either retching into the bathroom - it had become the new normal for me. With a shudder, I shut the lid of the toilet and flushed the remnants of my bile as I got up to wash my face.

The woman that stared back at me was someone completely different. I had bags under my eyes and my face looked sunken, pale even. Steeling myself with a breath, I tried to not to be dragged down by those horrible memories. It really was a shame that those moments had travelled with me all across the globe, even in Moscow now as they haunted me at the age of 25.

I ran a hand through my untamed wavy hair as my mind raced with all those nasty memories. Of Papa hitting Mama. Of him hitting me once I grew older and would start defending my mother. One brutal memory I remembered clearly, had happened when I was 16. I had just come home from tutoring a guy in my class only to be met with a nasty surprise waiting for me back at home.

***

9 years ago

Humming softly to myself, I walked into the dark, empty house. I had just finished tutoring Josh, a guy in my class, for math but had forgotten to call Mama in the midst of it. God, it was ridiculous to know that I actually had gotten excited to teach trigonometry to Josh - someone who I had been crushing on for the longest time now. My heart fluttered in my chest as I thought about how our hands had touched briefly. A goofy smile took over my face as my teenage brain immediately started fantasising different scenarios. Scenarios that involved white picket fence houses and a kid or two.

"Ah. So you're back mija."

I snapped out of my thoughts as my spine straightened at the low voice of my father. Based on the slur of his words, he was definitely drunk. Again, not surprising at this point.

"Papa. Si, I had to tutor a classmate." I muttered as I walked past him with my head down.

Out of nowhere, a hand grabbed me and stopped me in my steps as I froze.

"And where do you think you're going, chica?"

"I-I'm going upstairs. To my room, Papa."

He tsked as his mouth made a clucking sound.

"You really think I'm going to let you go that easy after you whore around huh?"

His words felt like a slap to my face as my mouth gaped open. Up until now, he had verbally abused me, calling me worthless just like mi madre and that I would be nothing in life, but he had never insinuated this. Tears pricked my eyes as I reminded myself to breathe through my nose. In and out. In and out. Deep breaths.

"A slut just like tu mama no? I know what you stupid teenage girls do with boys."

"Papa, I wasn't - I wasn't sleeping around, I promise." I choked out as his hand tightened around my wrist.

"Don't lie to me girl. I've seen girls like you. Up to no good and end up on the streets. How else do you explain being out so late huh?"

"Papa, I swear I didn't do anything! I was just teaching him I -

A sharp sting sounded across the room as his rough hand connected with my cheek. It took me a second to process what had happened. He had slapped me. Mi padre had just slapped me. His own daughter. As soon as that realisation hit me, the tears that were threatening to spill previously, splattered down my cheeks as my left cheek stung with the force of the slap. My head stayed turned to the side as my father loosened his grip.