Unrequited Love

Chapter 32 - Luciana

My hands shook as I opened another letter - another skeleton in the closet. This one was dated 2 years after the previous one.

Date: 18th December 2015

Dear Mikhail,

We went to the doctor's this morning. We've been trying for a baby for years now but it's not working. Andrei is hell bent on having a son and says that I'm the problem - that he should have married someone else. I guess he's right, Mikhail. God, I feel so fucking useless and pathetic. Just wait till you hear what the doctor said.

She said that I won't be able to have kids - ever. Some gene that passed down from our Mother. You could count on me to always get the shittier genes.

You should've seen Andrei, Mikhail. He was angry. So, so angry. I don't think I've ever seen him so furious - even when he's hit me in the past. The moment we stepped into the house, he slapped me. And then he kicked me. Said I was a useless bitch who should have been left to the streets.

I shut my mouth. Because what else can I do? He owns me - they all do now. My life is in their hands. I don't know what to do, Mikhail. I'm so scared. Terrified. But I can't even tell you about it. Father told me not to after I called him later this morning. He said that you wouldn't want that for me. I guess he's right. Andrei isn't at home, by the way. He left after that show he put up in front of his family. I don't know how I'm going to face him when he comes back. I can't even look at myself in the mirror.

Fuck. I think I'm broken. It's me. It's always been me right? I feel like absolute shit Mikhail. I don't know what to do. I wish you were here with me. I love you so much, brother. Until next time.

Love,

Ilaria

My heart thudded in my chest as a strange feeling unfurled in my gut. Something was telling me not to pick up the next letter - the last one in the pile. Something told me that I would be shaken to my core after reading that. Nothing would be the same after that.

My breathing grew heavier as my eyes teared up. I pressed two fingers to my eyes as I tried to calm myself. The guilt was eating me alive from inside now. I had to tell Mikhail. Tonight. No matter what.

My entire body shook as I paced around the room, contemplating whether I should call Mikhail and tell him or not. Should I read the last letter? The letter that would finally put the pieces of the puzzle together. I willed myself not to cry so I wouldn't ruin my makeup that was beautifully done. Taking a deep breath, I took a seat back on the bed as I lifted the piece of paper onto my lap.

It was small - smaller than the rest of the letters. The last one that would seal the truth and cement everything. Deciding that it would be best to get it over with, I opened it with trembling hands.

Date: 7th April 2016

Mikhail,

It turns out that I am broken. Hence what happened yesterday. Andrei...he did something to me. Something that he'd never done so far. He...he raped me, Mikhail.

A loud sob tore out of me as I clutched the paper to my chest, trying to slow down my erratic breathing. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Did Mikhail know this? I'm pretty he didn't, otherwise he would have done everything in his power to skin Andrei alive. Fuck. I should tell him.

But before I could even pick up the phone, bile rose in my throat as I rushed to the bathroom, throwing the lid open just in time to see the afternoon's meal come out. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead as big, fat tears leaked down my cheeks - uncaring of the fact that my makeup was totally ruined now. To hell with my makeup. This shit was much more important. Mikhail deserved to know what had happened to his baby sister. I know that he'd be mad at me, but I'd take it - because I deserved it. I was a liar. A cheat. For not telling him sooner. For being such a coward and for not wanting to burst our bubble that we were trapped in. Fuck me.