Guilt pricked my conscience as I willed sleep to take over me - I did not like lying to Mikhail one bit, but I was torn between telling him and wanting to protect him from whatever she was about to confess. I'd tell him. I really would. Once I knew the truth, at least.
Deciding that attempting to sleep would be fruitless now, due to the incessant train of thoughts in my head, I got up as my feet landed me in front of the drawer. I picked up the next letter, burning with curiosity to see what had happened next.
Date: 20th March 2012
Dear Mikhail,
I'm married! Can you believe that? The ceremony was beautiful, with Andrei looking at me as if I was the only woman in his eyes - the most beautiful woman. I felt so seen, for the first time Mikhail. So incredibly loved and appreciated. Not that you don't love and appreciate me, but it felt good to know that my husband, a practical stranger, did feel something for me.
You gave me away to Andrei, instead of Father, since I had asked you to all those weeks ago. After all, you had been the one who had taken care of me and not Father, so it was only right that you gave my hand away in marriage. You were crying. So much. I don't think I've ever seen you shed so many tears in your entire life. I probably would have laughed at you if I weren't crying myself.
I miss you brother. So much. But the Antonovs have welcomed me with warmth, making this feel like a second home. I'm currently in our bedroom, writing this as Andrei showers. He's such a gentleman, really. Asking me if I was okay, if I wasn't feeling too overwhelmed. I'm already falling hard for him and it's only day one of our marriage. I don't even know what to say except for the fact that I'm going to need time to process all of this - this shit's heavy. I hope you know that you made the right decision. That you chose the right man for me. I love you so much Mikhail, but I have to go. Andrei's coming out now. I'll see you this weekend brother.
Lots and lots of love,
Ilaria
I smiled as I felt Ilaria's contagious happiness reach me even from the words in her letter. She seemed so happy, so loved. I wonder what had happened after that. My mind wandered to different places as I mulled over, wondering if I'd ever get the chance to be happy - if I'd ever find a man that would make me happy. Sighing, I picked up the next letter, too addicted to not read it and instead go back to sleep. The constant reminder that I was doing this behind Mikhail's back nagged at me as I tried to push it away for the time being - I'd tell him when the time was right. The next letter was dated a year later, the familiar scrawl ever present.
Date: 27th March 2013
Dear Mikhail,
Everything's been going well so far. Andrei's been the same as usual, but he's been going out a lot lately. I have a weird feeling about it. What should I do? Should I talk to him about it? Not to mention, the usual warmth from the rest of the Antonovs has been missing the past few days. Am I reading too much into this situation? For the first time in my life, I truly don't know what to feel. I wish I had someone - a mother to confide in. Oh well, no point in crying over spilt milk right? I'll talk to you soon.
Lots and lots of love,
Ilaria
Huh. That was weird, I wondered. Ilaria usually sounded so happy and carefree in her letters so far, but she sounded extremely glum in this one. Not to mention, it was extremely short and tersely written. Breathing in deeply, my hands went onto the next letter of their own accord.
Date: 8th April 2013
Dear Mikhail,
I confronted Andrei about his frequent trips yesterday. He assured me that nothing was wrong. But I panicked and I said some things. Those things turned into a full blown argument. We both were shouting and I was crying. So much. And then he hit me. One slap on my face. It stung so bad, Mikhail. I kept crying real hard. Andrei panicked and started apologising profusely to me. Said that it was "a mistake" and it would never happen again. I forgave him. He held me close as I cried myself to sleep, only to disappear in the morning. I just woke up a few minutes ago and decided to write this letter. I don't know why, but it feels oddly cathartic to get it all out, knowing that you may or may not read it someday. I hope things get better and that this was only a one time occurrence. I really do.
Lots and lots of love,
Ilaria
Well fuck if that didn't stir something in me. Reading about Ilaria being abused that way by her husband brought back unwanted memories of my Mama and Papa fighting. I fought the onslaught of tears that were threatening to spill as I breathed in through my nose. In for 4. Hold for 7. Out for 8. It didn't work.
The dam broke as sobs wracked my body as I convulsed violently. My mother and I had suffered so much - only for me to leave her in the end. Well, wasn't I a selfish bitch? I hated myself for doing that to her. So much. A guilt that I'd carry to my grave. But at that time, that had seemed like the wisest decision. She wasn't ready to move out. Not ready to leave the man that she had loved and held onto for so long. So I left without her - she left me no choice. I didn't work my ass off only to end up spending the rest of my life there. She didn't reach out to me after I moved out. No texts, no calls, nothing. It had broken me to know that she didn't care about her mija any longer. But boy, wasn't I wrong. One year later, and I was in for the biggest surprise of my life.
My hand that was holding the paper, tightened as I shook my head, trying to make those memories go away. But the truth was, they never would. They would continue haunting me for the rest of my life. And that's what scared me the most. Living the rest of my life drowning in guilt and sorrow only to end up bitter and lonely.
I think that was enough for the night. Actually, it was enough. I had no right to continue reading something so personal. As a matter of fact, I'd tell Mikhail about the letters come tomorrow morning. Yes...that would be right. Reassured by that thought, I tucked all the letters into the envelope, resisting to give into the urge to temptation. My fingers itched as I pushed back the drawer, my mind already made up.
Turning off the lamp beside the bed, I lay back onto the mattress, staring out of the huge windows. The drapes were open as I peered at the night sky. What had Ilaria been feeling in her last moments? Was she lucky enough to be surrounded by her loved ones while taking her last breath? These incessant questions plagued my mind as I fell into a restless slumber consisting of endless thoughts of a redhead and a tall dark haired man.
***
DEATH TO ANDREI😡😡😡
Also do we recognise him?
Hint: He made a cameo in Chapter 17
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Unrequited Love
RomanceMikhail Petrov. A name synonymous with ruthlessness in the city of Moscow. A man who brought even the strongest of men to their knees. He had never really feared anyone or anything in life - until her. He knew that he was bad for her, but he just co...
