strawberry lipstick

twenty-three

i heard both sapnap and dream continue talking when sapnap realized something i wish i didn't...

"wait- why is that bathroom stall locked as if someone's in there??" sapnap said.

"shit-" dream said under his breath.

sapnap then banged on the stall door angrily.

"you either come out, or ima force you out" sapnap said seriously.

i didn't think he would manually make me come out so i stayed in the stall as i was before, in the same position.

"alright, guess you're coming out my way" sapnap said then giggling.

"lemme do it, i wanna be the one to beat them up this time" dream said with a chuckle.

shit- i really messed up this time.

"alrighty tough man" sapnap said teasingly.

dream then got on his knees and crawled to peer his head through from underneath.

i saw his head pop up and he sat in that position in shock. and i was also in shock that he actually did that.

"well- uh" dream said then backing away flustered.

"what is it?!" sapnap said then peeking his head underneath the stall to see.

"oh-" sapnap paused when he saw me standing there shocked.

"well... that was a way to tell the poor kid" sapnap said with a playful chuckle, but i could tell by the tone of his voice he felt bad.

"sap!- look george.... can i explain it to you?" dream said patiently.

i then remembered my mum was waiting for me outside of the bathroom... shit...

i then opened the stall panicky and rushed out the bathroom, they chased after me until they realized why i was in a rush.

i walk outside the bathroom to see my mum sitting on a bench lightly crying to herself.
i then ran over to her guilty.

her face lit up and she was no longer crying when she saw me. it was like that had never happened.

"i'm so sorry mum- i-" i tried explaining.

"it ok, no sorry" my mum said then pulling me into a hug.

i turn my head to see if dream and sapnap were still there and to my surprise they were, but they were smiling. i'm not quite sure if that was good just yet.

she pulled away from the hug and smiled to see people behind us. oh no- she thinks their my friends...

"friends?" my mum lit up happily.

"uhhh-" i hesitated.

"yep! i'm clay!" clay said then holding out a hand for my mum to shake.

my mum shook his hand happily and waited for the other guy to say something.

"oh- i'm n-nick" sapnap said with a smile and shook her hand as well.

"over?" my mum asked.

"no i'm sorry, their busy right now" i answered sense i wasn't sure if they would know what she was saying.

"it ok, home or stay?" my mum questioned.

"home" i answered quickly then taking my mums arm and rushing out of the place. that was a close one...

we went home and it was now around five in the afternoon.
we entered the house and i ran up to my room with my mum knowing about it obviously.

i then decided to take a power nap sense i needed to distract myself from everything i just found out...

i wasn't sure how to react, i found out that my recent boyfriend was a... rapist?? and the school hadn't known? that seems off to me but i don't doubt it, they wouldn't make lies up to each other and agree on it. it must have happened to someone they known or maybe even them. i felt bad if that were the case but i wasn't entirely sure.

i felt guilty that i didn't trust dream quite just yet but at the same time he did prove once to me that he shouldn't be trusted. but the real question is if i should give him another chance? the way he was talking to sapnap sounded as if he really liked me and was scared to what eret might do to me, that made me smile even though i was mid-dreaming.

but right now, i'm laying in bed with nobody to love and my crush is probably having fun hooking up with the girl he told me i didn't have to worry about. but it's alright cause we're both numb, but why feel guilty of this jealousy?

jealousy is toxic, that's the short answer, and i'm scared what it might do to me if dream does choose to take the safer path in his career and finds a new love. i can't blame him though, he was very talented and it would make me more guilty dating him and ruining his career because in reality dating him is gonna be temporary, career is almost forever. and i don't really think dream would want to date me forever, why am i even thinking about this? we're not even a thing yet- i'm a mess....

dream then appeared in front of my face and smirked evilly?

"been here around a thousand times, dated every woman in the atmosphere~
i went to every continent, i broken all the hearts in the hemisphere ...
and if i'm not the type of guy you like to circumvent, just remember not to love me cause i'll disappear~" dream said then giggling and poofing away like a cartoon character.

i knew it was dream but my head didn't wanna listen to it, i didn't know how to tell myself that it was a dream when i looked so real. and the fact that i wasn't waking up as if it were a nightmare scared me. that can't be the truth, well i don't deny it but was he really only ever gonna use me like the rest?

i hate men.
men are confusing and only cause trouble, i wish life weren't as problematic as it usually was. life's annoying.

(true love by pink) using lyrics from said song.

i wasn't awaking from dream quote on quote dream i was having so i decided to let out all my emotions towards this shit coaster.

"AT THE SAME TIME I WANNA HUG YOU!!
I WANNA WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR NECK-
YOURE AN ASSHOLE!!
BUT I LOVE YOU...
AND YOU MAKE ME SO MAD I ASK MYSELF, WHY IM STILL HERE?? OR WHERE CAN I GO??
YOURE THE ONLY LOVE IVE EVER KNOWN!!
BUT I HATE YOU!!
I REALLY HATE YOU!!
SO MUCH I THINK IT MUST BE TRUST LOVE!!
TRUE LOVE... IT MUST BE TRUE LOVE, TRUE LOVE!
NOTHING ELSE CAN BREAK MY HEART LIKE, TRUE LOVE...
NO ONE ELSE CAN BREAK MY HEART LIKE YOU~" i yelled into the blank white space of nothingness.