𝐈&𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐁𝐋𝐄, 𝐞𝐧𝐡𝐲𝐩𝐞𝐧

why not me?

mention of suicide attempt.

the boy tossed and turned as he layed in his bed, uncovered as he hadn't found the energy to cover himself even a bit despite the chilling temperature throughout the dorm.

didn't know our heating system going off after working hours applied for home, too.

he was physically incapable of feeling the cold, as the mix of emotions flowing through his veins were enough to have Ni-Ki feeling as if he was on fire.

why was he so mad, he wondered. he wish he had an answer for the irritatingly chiming question, but he didn't.

he had no reason to feel so upset, either. she was a free lady, who was allowed to do whatever she wished— because in her words, "these men don't control me."

he just wished it'd been him.

his ears perked up as he heard the front door open, NaRi's usual cheery greeting sounding through the room's walls. normally he'd be jumping out of bed, running to take her bag and jacket and hug her as a welcome—

but there he stayed, angrily sulking in his bed.

he faced the wall, not turning around even when the girl had thrown the bedroom door open, searching for the disappeared maknae.

her eyes widened upon seeing the boy's back, thinking he was asleep, explaining why he hadn't run out to greet her like usual.

she'd placed her things in HeeSeung's room, so she wasted no time in running towards the boy's bed, snuggling beside him.

she wrapped her arm around his torso, perking her head up to look at his... opened eyes?

"oh, you're awake?" she asked, furrowing her eyebrows as she slightly pouted.

he only nodded, staying still as the girl leaned her face on his own.

"what's wrong?" she asked after a while of tense silence, Ni-Ki fighting the urge to roll his eyes.

"nothing." he replied in Korean, something rare for them to do behind the cameras.

her forehead creased, lifting her face from its previous position. she sat up, using her strength to turn the boy to face her.

his face remained emotionless, eyes closing as he didn't want to look at the girl, knowing he'd easily break.

"obviously there's something wrong and it's obviously to do with me, and you know i don't like finding things out through other people," she began, manually opening his eyes. "so it's best you're straight up with me."

he blankly stared at the girl's face, endless compliments and thoughts about the girl running through his mind in an instant.

"hm?" she urged him to say what was wrong.

"it's nothing. don't worry about it."

she bitterly chuckled, "alright then." the girl said, forcing his arms open, placing herself in them.

he made himself stay still.

she grew frustrated as his hands hadn't instantly found home in her hair as they usually did, sighing into his clothed chest.

thousands of thoughts continued flowing through his mind, the boy not able to stop himself before he spoke.

"it should've been me. why him?"

his eyes widened a millisecond after the question escaped his lips, the girl allowing the words to register in her mind before leaning her head up. her eyes scanned his shocked face, noticing his regretful, yet closed, eyes.