A Trilogy "Against the Odds" Book 2

Trust Part 2

After breakfast the instructor had the group go down to the small river that ran along the property's edge. It was a place set up for the Seminars mainly for the people involved to have a quite place to reflect and think about what they had learned. A nice wooden deck as well as chairs and tables that had a stream flowing that could be heard. He had the men stand around while he talked to the women. When done they came back together to have the lesson.

"OK, listen up!
Trust might be the most important pillar of a successful relationship. It’s the thing that allows two people to open up to one another, feeling confident that they can share their most authentic selves without fear of judgment or shame. If you struggle with trust in your relationship, you probably know that it can take a real toll on your happiness. The question I need to ask you is......are you willing to make the necessary changes to save your relationship with the trust issues and begin to move forward together?" They all nodded their heads in agreement. "I didn't hear you" said the instructor.  All twenty four of them yelled out "YES"......."That's what I want to hear. Before we do the next exercise for this session I want to explain something to you about trust issues. You may continue to stand or have a seat on the pillows scattered around." The women of the group sat down on the pillows and the men remained standing with their arms crossed over the chest.

"While there’s no set formula for what constitutes trust issues, you’ll know you’re dealing with them when you feel deeply anxious or concerned about your relationship. Trust issues show up in the form of suspicion about what your partner is up to. “Typically, when I talk to people who are experiencing trust issues in their relationship, there is a strong feeling of uneasiness as well as anxiety about their partner.  Even if you haven’t explicitly noticed your partner lying or doing things behind your back, you just have a feeling that something bad is going on. It’s miserable, and it can totally take over your brain space if you don’t take steps to work through it. But thankfully, relationships with trust issues aren’t always doomed to fail. Both parties have to be willing to work at it. So this is were I need to ask you!  Are you committed to learn to trust together, build up mutual trust that will allay your anxieties and allow you to open up to each other more fully.?" And the instructor got a verbal yes this time from everyone. "Great! Now I am going to tell you how. The first thing you need to do is Identify the breach of trust!

If your trust issues stem from one specific thing that happened say, infidelity or another secretive misstep, you should try to pin down when the dynamic shifted. When you identify where the trust was broken, how this came to happen, and why this is an issue for you, then you can work with your partner to forgive, heal, and establish boundaries going forward to ensure that the same thing doesn't happen again.
Your first step is knowing where things went wrong."
Can stood up against the tree looking down at Sanem and knew right away where he had broken her trust. She on the other hand was looking down at the ground picking the grass as she also knew.

"The second step is to communicate how you feel: I know  how hard this could be for some of you. Open communication will always be a relationship saver. If you can find the bravery to confront your partner about your feelings and experience in the relationship, there is always a chance to save it. It’s not easy to express yourself when you’ve been hurt, but it’s essential that you’re honest about how you feel. Your partner cannot make any changes until they know you are hurting and understand what you need from them. I do feel that you are already aware of how your partner is hurting, you just need to know what you need from them." The instructor gave the group a few minutes to think on it.

"Step number three! Manage your expectations: Sometimes, trust issues stem from misaligned expectations each partner holds for the other. A lot of trust issues in relationships have to do with unmet and unspoken expectations that we may hold within about how our partner is supposed to be. Do you expect a level of constant communication from your partner that might be unrealistic for them? Or do you feel suspicious of something in their past they haven’t told you about? Whatever it might be. You can’t address it until you talk together about what your needs are. When you share your concerns with each other, you can often take small steps to alleviate anxiety in your relationship. For instance, setting plans for how and when you will communicate throughout the day can keep you from second-guessing every text you send to one another. And sharing details about your past — and what you’ve both learned from your experiences — can help you feel more comfortable moving forward."

At this point in the lecture the instructor asked the men to spaced out on the wooden deck than had their partner stand in front of them with a distance between them.

"And now Step number four! Do the hard work together: You may want to talk to a professional about your individual anxieties at the root of the trust issues which depending on the circumstances may actually be needed. The real work is done when you tackle these pain points together. Even in counseling an individual work can only go so far. It's when you do the work of processing and working on hardships in your relationship where the true healing occurs. The two of you might decide to seek couples’ counseling to talk through your concerns with a licensed professional, or you might find that your issues can be solved with a series of real conversations between the two of you and I mean real conversations. Either way, you need to decide that your relationship is worth saving and that both of you are willing to put in the work.
It’s important to note that not every relationship is worth holding onto. Sometimes, the healthiest thing you can do is decide to move on from a toxic scenario that causes you pain. But if you believe your trust issues can be solved and that you’ll be happier as a result, this is always an option."

Everyone was looking and listening to what the instructor was saying. He gave the women a jesture by scratching the tip of his nose. The women closed their eyes fell back  and only hoped that their partner would catch them. "What the hell Sanem, why did you do that?" helping her back on her feet........"Because I knew you would catch me" just then the instructor said

"When I had the talk with your partner a short time ago I asked them one question. Are you ready to trust your partner? If you are do what I tell you to do and if they ask you why tell them the first thing that comes to your mind. Staying together after trust issues and doing the hard work of moving forward and forgiving is like strengthening and restructuring the backbone of your relationship. It will actually give you an opportunity and ability to love and respect each other more than before. If you’re able to move through this challenging situation together, you’ll come out stronger and more resilient as a result. Now I want you to go off by yourself and work in your workbook on the section of trust. We will meet for lunch at 1pm and them we will start our next session on balance. See you at lunch. They all began to scatter as Can watch Sanem walking away 
saying to himself out loud "Did that mean she trust me now" with that he pulled out his workbook sat on the chair and began to work on the the worksheets.