Love Never Existed - Hyunsung

[9]

After the first breakup, nothing was the same. It really wasn't.

Now, at the slight bout, I had with Hyuk, he wanted to break up with me. It was as if with that he was trying to shut me up.

If I cried, he wanted to break up. If I complained about something, he wanted to break up.

It was such the frustration I felt back then that I had to swallow all of my complaints from him in order to avoid fights. But all our problems he started them, however, I had to be the one taking the blame for. That was not life at all.

The messages and the envelopes of weed appeared more than once. He called it a coincidence, but I knew that that was not the case.

Instead of talking things out, Hyun-su blamed me for starting useless quarrels. He told me that I was becoming crazy. That it was the same envelope as before, that his friend was still in trouble, and so on and so forth.

The same excuse over and over again.

Like any other person, there was a moment where I couldn't stand it anymore and exploded.

I told him I was so exhausted by his lies. I asked him if he was still on drugs and if he was hanging out with that 'friend' of his for other purposes.

He utterly denied it and called me psychotic. He sulked or rolled his eyes every time I brought up the issue. That pissed me off every single time.

On some occasions, Hyun-su shut me up by ignoring me. He shut me up by making love to me. He shut me up by bringing a small present for me.

I didn't want any of that. What I wanted was just a simple thing. I just wanted to talk.

I didn't want to just fuck and let things on the side. Those doubts were killing me. I was not living like I used to. Now I felt insecure, with doubts, in pain, and all sorts of negative feelings.

I didn't feel comfortable anymore. I was always thinking of bad things and even playing scenarios in my head that shouldn't be there.

I was really becoming that person he pointed at me so many times.

He really wanted me to become the worst version of myself. And he really achieved it.

~~~

Our relationship was not strong anymore. It had a lot of fissures.

He knew that. I knew that. But still, I stayed with him.

And why? Because I love him? Well, that was my excuse.

One of the times I went to a party of one of his friends, his ex-boyfriend was there.

I felt so uncomfortable. He knew me. He knew that I was Hyun-su's boyfriend, so every time I walked to a side of the house, I felt his stare, checking me from head to toes.

Hyun-su ignored him, and just stayed with me to avoid any fight. However, I saw him turn in his direction more than one time.

As the hours were passing, he found excuses to go away. He left me alone a couple of times to meet the friends of his friends. He always came back to me, but the last time he went away, he lasted longer than expected.

It didn't matter to me because he left me with his best friend. He was a nice guy, so whenever we went out, if I was with him, Hyun-su could go and stay with his friends as much as he wanted.

However, this time, Yubin, his best friend, had to go away because his father called him. He told me that he needed to go because his mom got sick. He entrusted me to tell Hyun-su about it and then went away.