Love Never Existed - Hyunsung

[41]

For years and months, I spent recreating love stories in my head with this cute guy.

Daydreaming of how our encounter would be.

In my mind, I played cheesy scenes where Jisung would see me walking in front of him, and with just some exchanges of glances, he would fall in love with me, and I would confess to him how I've been in love with him ever since that first time I saw him in Jeju island.

Does it sound lame?

Yes?

No?

At that time, I thought it didn't sound lame, but now that I revised this scene in my mind, I think it does by a bunch.

I think I'm so childish. Perhaps immature.

Wonder why? Well, just look at this... During the years I couldn't find that cute guy from Jeju, I was living in a sad world. In a world that seemed dark and hopeless. My attitude changed somehow. I constantly changed my routine just to look for Jisung around the city. Somehow, I was being truthful to my feelings, hoping one day to find him and confess to him. And just now, I noticed this. Just now, I noticed that I was being loyal to someone that didn't belong to me.

Who does that? Who is loyal to someone that doesn't even know him? Who is so certain of that type of love?

Only me?

Yes?

Well, apparently yes. Only me.

From what Jisung has told me so far, I know that I was being loyal to a stranger that was living his own life. His own love story.

A real love story. A love story that was true from the beginning until the end. A love that was reciprocated in so many ways.

Jisung gave his full heart, soul, and body to someone that loved him back just as much as he does to this person.

If I had known before that during all those years, that cute guy from Jeju would be falling in love with someone, I would do something in my power to prevent it. Probably compete with that next guy until I conquer Jisung's heart.

But if I had known before that the cute guy from Jeju would be falling for a girl, I think I would be speechless. It wouldn't be my field to compete. I guess.

But leaving this a little aside, the issue here is not that Han Jisung fell in love with someone during that time we didn't meet each other. Dating people is a natural thing between humans, so I should have expected that, if I was smart enough.

The real issue here is that Jisung deeply fell for this person. He married this person and even had a baby with her.

Imagine that? That cute boy from Jeju got married and even became a father.

Who would have thought?

Hwang Hyunjin was dreaming of a guy that belonged to someone already. A girl, to be more exact.

Jisung had already someone that he treasured more than anything and that he called her his soulmate and the love of his life. Just like he has been saying it through tears. It hurts me. It shatters my heart.

But do you know what is the thing that hurts me the most and makes me feel so bad?

Can you guess it?

Well, I'll tell you.

The thing that makes me feel so bad is that ever since I've been hugging Jisung in my arms, I have been thinking about all the previous information I mentioned. As if what I feel or think was relevant. As if my story was more important than his story.