Love Never Existed - Hyunsung

[42]

A big gulp escaped out of my mouth when Jisung told me about keeping the secret of his wife and daughter's death. Also to keep away from any Hwang members given the fact I am one of them.

The fact that he could have been describing the life of my cousin, Jinsu, made me stand up from the couch and hold my head in distress.

I was getting crazy. The coincidences were just too many to handle.

I wanted to take a break. I wanted to sit alone somewhere and revise the information that was provided to me. I wanted to digest this little by little.

Thank God Jisung was so engrossed with Su-jin that he didn't notice my distraught state. He also didn't notice the face I made when he mentioned to keep away from people with the last name 'Hwang'.

"Jisung..."

"Yes?"

"Can you keep an eye on Su-jin for me? I need to go to the bathroom..."

"Sure...no problem. Take your time..."

I came up with the typical and silly excuse of going to the bathroom. Nothing else came to my mind in that instant. Fortunately, Jisung found nothing strange with my excuse.

Since Jisung nodded at me and told me to take my time, I left without questioning myself. For some reason, I knew he would be taking care of my baby as much as I do just by the way he was holding Su-jin.

Kkami was with them as well, so I went knowing that the three would be fine in my absence.

Instead of going to the bathroom or my room, I went to my 'room painting'. I opened the door of this place and sat, leaning my back against the door. I folded my legs and brought them to my chest. I hid my head between my knees and let out a trembling sigh. I felt so dizzy, overwhelmed and woeful.

"Jinsu... Jinsu..." I repeated the name of my cousin in a low tone. I felt my voice splitting, "w-why all of these points at you? Why are you everywhere but also nowhere? Where the fuck did you go? Why the fuck did you disappear?"

I didn't even know where I should start analyzing the things I got to know today.

"When did we stop seeing each other?"

The feeling inside my heart was pounding so fast as if wanting to pierce my chest and go right through the skin. The memories and pieces of knowledge were dancing in my head. Going from one corner to the other.

"Why you never came to visit me- no. Why I never went to visit you?"

Also, a cry wanted to go out of my throat, but I couldn't let it out. I just couldn't.

The vivid image of my cousin laughing or teasing me appeared in my head. That sweet smile and lovely human being whining on my shoulder and telling me how much she likes this guy she met.

When I felt the need to release my tears, I looked up and saw something that made my eyes and heart shrink.

What was in front of me was like a revelation of the things I just got to know today.

"No fucking way..."

In front of me, there was the paint I painted a couple of weeks ago. This paint was created out of boredom and tiredness from a long day.

I painted this the day I crossed paths with Jisung again. That time Chan hyung and his online friend finally met.

My mouth opened to say something else, but nothing came out besides those curse words that practically said it all.

This painting lacked so much sense to me when I just finished it, but now, with the information Jisung gave about his life, it suddenly recovered sense.