Love Never Existed - Hyunsung

[23]

Mutual feelings, promises, touches, tickles, butterflies, blushing cheeks, stuttering, hugs, kisses, cuddles... Falling in love.

How? How was that even possible? I wondered.

How was it even possible that I fell for a girl- no, no. That was not the real question there. The real question was: how was it possible that I fell in love without me noticing?

Love for me was forbidden, but suddenly all of that shattered because of Jinsu. What was inside my heart was so pure that it could burst and be tangible. It was impressive.

What a friend once told me about repeating the same pattern over and over again when you meet someone was stuck in my head. It left me wondering about my whole existence.

You meet someone, then you start to develop feelings for them, then you get tired and end the relationship, then you meet someone else and start the cycle once again.

Was that right? Love managed in that way? Yeah, probably. This is what I thought before meeting Jinsu.

But after she appeared in my life, my thoughts changed. Jinsu and Changbin hyung were the ones that changed it in fact. They said: 'what if that cycle only repeated when you got the wrong person? What if love was real and lasted forever? What if your friend was in the wrong because she always chose the wrong partners? Someone hurt because of love would definitely think that, don't you think? In the end, they would like to find that special someone but since they cannot do it right away, they created this shield in order to protect their hearts. It's understandable but also very selfish to share that way of thinking with someone else...'

Who was in the right? My old friend from one of my part-time jobs or Changbin hyung and Jinsu? Why did falling in love with someone have to be so complex and so damn complicated?

Anyway, the type of love I felt for Jinsu was way different than the one I felt when I fell in love with Hyun-su.

This was so sweet and so calming to the heart. It healed me and rose me to the sky every single day.

I could never guess what would happen next, but oh how much she made me mature and work on my persona.

Jinsu and her love made me the person I am today.

Jinsu's eyes widened at my bold words of confession that night.

I showed her a side of me that she hadn't ever seen and she seemed taken aback. Of course, she was. I was acting so boldly and with hurt pride.

"I- you--"

It was as if her own words had stuck in her throat, and didn't know how to get them out. She looked so stunned to speak but too cute for me to not take advantage of this.

"Did you hear me?" I said in a mocking tone, "why are you so shocked to speak, huh? Why are you not throwing yourself into my arms and kissing me? Did you really think I was made of steel and that your charms wouldn't have an effect on me? Tsk! You miscalculated that, young girl..."

"I- I- Ji- I-- you-"

"Stop stuttering," I playfully scolded while pinching her right cheek, "and start taking responsibility for getting inside my heart..."

"AAAhhhh..." Jinsu suddenly covered her face and whined. She couldn't stand my teasing mode, "what are you saying?!~ Ji!! Don't play with me like this!! My heart can't stand it!~"

"Huh? Who's playing?!" I furrowed my eyebrows.

"You are playing!" Jinsu hit me on the chest with puffy cheeks, "stop it! Stop it!"