Love Never Existed - Hyunsung

[45]

Loud baby cries. Piercing barks. A man wailing. My insides going overboard.

Shock is a word that cannot define the state I fell into after knowing that my cousin died. I was sent to a pit of turmoil. That black pit I used to dream of. I was traumatized.

My uncle saying that Jinsu passed away was absurd and funny at the same time.

It didn't make sense. And that is why it was funny.

It was like saying that from this day onward the sun wouldn't be setting anymore or that the night would no longer appear at the usual time.

It does not make any sense to me.

But due to the seriousness this man was showing, my heart broke into uncountable pieces.

He is a serious man, and he would never joke about something so important and hurtful as this.

What he was telling me was a tangible truth. A tangible pain he has been through on his own for the past year and months.

And when that truth hit me, I burst.

I broke in a way I have never shown before. In a way that is too unfamiliar to Su-jin.

The way I cried, the way I began to shake and feel nauseous happened in one second.

Even Kkami and Su-jin got startled by seeing me like that.

They came crawling to check upon me. They came crawling to climb up to me, but I couldn't hold any of them.

Just seeing those precious eyes broke me even more.

Su-jin was the vivid image of Jinsu, and just if I focused a little bit more, I could see in those eyes the resemblance to his father; Han Jisung.

It was such a state I fell into that Su-jin also cried along with me. He got sad because even when he did grabby hands, I didn't stretch my arms to take him.

I couldn't comfort him, and he couldn't comfort me either.

I have always hated when Su-jin cries, but this time I just couldn't calm him down.

I just stared at him seeing those endless tears going down.

Fortunately, Kkami jumped to the couch, and barked and growled in my ears.

He was so mad and tried to bite me. He didn't pinch my skin, but my sweater almost got ripped.

Just then, I held Su-jin in my arms and wept harder because it suddenly hit me what I was doing.

"Su-jin-ah..." The way I said the name made me cry even more.

"T-tuti..." And the way his tiny voice cracked to say my name just worsened my state.

All this time, I've been raising Jisung and Jinsu's baby.

All those years I looked for Jisung, all those times Jinsu talked to me about certain 'Ji...'

I- Who would have thought that they were the same person?

Who would have thought that we were both destined to fall in love with the same guy?

But even if we fell in love with the same guy, Jinsu is the one that got his heart.

She won over me.

I still don't know what happened between them. I still don't know why Jisung thinks he had a daughter instead of a son, and I still don't know the details of Jinsu's death.

The only thing I can think about right now is that I will never forgive life for taking that girl out of my life.

I can live with the fact that Jinsu fell and loved the same guy I fell into first, and even the fact that they got married and had a baby, but not with the fact of losing her.