Love Never Existed - Hyunsung

[14]

Jisung POV

Acting so cold and callous towards life was like digging my own grave.

A grave where I was burying myself alive day by day.

Being a 'cold guy' was damaging me more than I would imagine.

When I went to work or any other part of the city, I felt like I was floating in a bubble. It felt as if my surroundings turned gray, and suddenly no one had a face to look at. Everyone wore a blurry face for me.

I always admired the color of the blue sky, but for some reason, it didn't delight me anymore.

The only times I felt alive was when I was with Changbin hyung.

He hugged me and kissed me more than ever because he knew something was wrong inside of me. I really enjoyed this extra love from him. Changbin hyung has always been my hero, so everything that came from him lifted my mood. Only in his arms, I felt secure, and in some instances, my heart skipped a beat.

The love of my brother was what rescued me a couple of times from burying myself in that coffin I carried with me everywhere.

Changbin hyung knew that I was going through some harshness of life, and he talked with me a couple of times. But since I didn't change my way of thinking, he just opted to provide me with his brother's love and wait until I felt better. With him, I was the same but he knew that with my surroundings I was not.

He was right. I was not the same guy. I didn't read love stories as much as before. I just drowned myself in working, saving money, and studying at night, for when the time to enter college came. Also, I was more silent and didn't joke with him as I used to, which was more than noticeable for him.

Depression was invading me, and I didn't realize it. I thought I had full control of my emotions, but it was not the case.

I had no purpose in my life anymore. I was just disappointed at life itself, at humans, at dreams, at all.

I felt so lost. I didn't know what to do with my life at that moment.

Even though I felt like this, I never stopped working or helping my brother as much as I could.

I kept doing the same even if sometimes I just did it automatically. Still, I couldn't deny that inside me, I felt nothing. I felt empty.

However, in the middle of all that toxicity I was drowning in, a small ray of sunshine appeared to brighten my life a bit.

On a specific day, I was working on one of my new part-time jobs.

It was a small coffee shop near a big building full of youngsters. It was situated in Hongdae.

I constantly changed jobs every two months, so in this one, I had about a month already.

I was in the back of the counter, making the necessary preparations to produce the famous coffee of the shop when one of my bosses came to me and tapped my shoulder.

"Jisung, someone is waiting for you outside. You may go..."

Receiving this instruction so suddenly took me completely aback. I thought it was Hyun-su or Changbin hyung who rarely came to see me at work, so I inquired full of curiosity, "sir, did he give you his name?"

My boss was walking away when I asked this. He didn't turn around, but still, he replied, "leave that coffee there. You should hurry, or she will fire me.."

My eyebrows lifted in surprise. "She...? Fire you...?"

He halted, and this time he turned around, "why are you still standing there? Go now, or she will get mad at me," he hurried me outside when he saw that I was just staring at his back in confusion.