My Soulmates are IDOLS 1 | Limelight🎇| 18+ [Reverse Harem]

130: Perfect

It just seemed to hurt so much worse when he saw the expressions of his members, his best friends. His heart was laid bare for their eyes, their thoughts and their love. When he looked at them, at their pity, at their sadness. At the way their concern wafted out of them and surrounded him in their protective cocoon. He cried.

They were mirrors to the truth, mirrors to the real emotions that swam within his chest.

MinJae remembered that they knew and he remembered his predicament. With them, there was no reason to be strong, and so with them, he was at his weakest. For a while, he wanted to run from their eyes, their pity and sorrow for him. Later, he stayed because in their pity he was protected and so much more loved.

It came and went. Sometimes he wanted to be protected and soothed, sometimes he wanted to forget. Consuming those suppressants was a no brainer. He would take one or two of those pills daily, occasionally a little more when he wanted the extra kick.

But the pain transformed into an emptiness in his chest that scared him. It was so much more horrifying without the pain, to feel that huge gaping hole in his chest, like a snapped-off cord. It crippled him in more ways than ever.

The pain had been physical, a burden, something that took his mind off the real problem. The emptiness was personal, a feeling that reminded him again and again of his loss. It made him think of nothing, it made him feel like nothing. It made him wish that nothing loved him so he wouldn't feel obligated to keep existing.

Why did they love him?

At least the pain made him feel alive. It made him want it to stop, it made him want to get better.

So he stopped popping those pills like candy, stopped taking the medicine and the drugs the doctor had given. A bad decision perhaps. All his decisions had been bad. He just didn't know it.

Up until this point.

With the lilacs, something within him dissipated. A curtain parted, pulled back like a stage revealing the beauty behind the black velvet. The flowers revealed the emotions that had coiled strong within his belly. It sprung up at him so suddenly and so horrifyingly strong that his breath was robbed from him.

The lust for her, the attraction, the inner need for her touch. The yearning, the warmth, the soothing drip in his chest like sweet honey that filled the void. His mind had melted a little at her beauty. Dazed and confused.

His gaze drifted from the tips of her ears, to the thick lush lashes, to the bud of her lips. It moved to the pretty gold that stained her peach cheeks and he wondered how he had missed out that part in his moments of rage.

Because she was beautiful, he was attracted and perhaps if he hadn't let his emotions run wild, that could have been an indication of the truth.

He had let himself drown in the pain. His pain.

The pain consumed him whole. It overtook him, his every action was in its command. He was at his nastiest and his moodiest. The monsters within him were surfacing whenever he let himself go. So when he had seen her in the hotel. The wide-eyed, pretty Bambi that had been sprawled on the carpet, shock painting her face. The dreaded words spilling from her lips in the most horrible of combinations he had ever heard.

You'll never be enough to replace her.

The pain had flared, torturing him in his chest, consuming him whole. It had been everything and the only thing he could feel. It felt almost like a physical wound. Like she had stabbed him in the chest with a rusted, barbed sword that she twisted and twisted. Again and again.