Neighbours

Chapter 130 ~ The Truth

Noahs Pov:

Its currently 9:56pm and Dix and i just finished bathing, seperately, and are seated. Im on the couch and she is on the bed, watching bean as he sleeps in the crib. She got me amazing gifts but none with herself in it. She got me a collage picture frame with bean and my pictures in it, a watch that has bean and my name engraved in it, a chain with bean and my picture in it, some hoodies and 2 sneakers. She didnt tell me why she wasnt in any of them but i can guess why

Noah: Ready to tell me?

Dixie: Will you yell at me?

Noah: No baby......i wont

She got up, placed a pillow in the side of the net peice in beans crib thats facing us so he wont see anything if he woke up, stood infront me and looked at me

Dixie: Close your eyes

Noah: Why bub?

Dixie: Please? This isnt easy to do at all but im trying

Noah: Ok

I closed my eyes and within 90seconds, i was asked to open my eyes. She wore a long tshirt and underwear so it came off really easily and quickly. I saw tears escaping her eyes and i couldnt help but stop tears from escaping mines either. She was COVERED in marks. She slowly made a 360° turn for me to examine her body then looked into my eyes. Her entire stomach aread is marked up, her thighs is covered in cuts and alot of burns, her boobs.......they are marked up on the under part of them. Her back has alot of burn marks but no cuts, probably because she cant reach there. Her waist was also covered in cuts and burns. That truth serum made her speak the truth about how her body looks.........it looks 100× worst than chicken scratches. She placed one of her feet on me, pointed to her angle area on it then di the same to the other feet. It was also filled with bruises. They dont look the same though, some of her cuts look new becuase its still really red and partially bleeding, some now started to slowly heal, etc. I pulled her by her hand, ontop of me.

*How they are; except Dixie is completely naked and Noah is in a sweatpants and hoodie and its a two person couch*

Noah: Baby..........I-I dont know what to say

Dixie: Then let me speak

Dixie wipped my tears then hers. She completely stopped crying and i know that i have to be strong for her so i pulled myself together and also stopped crying

Dixie: Dont interupt me while i speak, ok?

Noah: O-Ok

Dixie: I really really really love you, bean and our family and friends but i cant live my life anymore. I hate myself for every reason a person can think off. There is only one reason why im still here and thats because of you and bean. I tried to kill myself a few times recently whenever i was alone but it didnt work. I wish it did though. I will only be happy once im dead and thats just the truth. I dont want to be alive........i never did but it has been getting so much worst recently. These marks...they dont pain me even the slightest. It never did and never will. It concentrates my pain for me. Bean doesnt deserve a selfish mother like me who is only thinking about herself and wants to die, just like you dont deserve a selfish girlfriend like me. I know you probably dont like and agree with what im saying but you wanted the truth so im telling you it. I feel like my emotions, wants to explode through my eyes, mouth and ears. It isnt easy having to deal with all this baby and i know this isnt easy for you either. I wanted us to be the perfect instagram couple, and the best parents ever but i failed at that fromt he time i bought back blades and lighters

Noah: No, you want to live. Keep saying that to yourself. You may mot believe it at first but soon enough, you wil-

Dixie: I tried Noah. I tried everything. I wrote on a paper everynight for a while and burnt it, but it didnt work. I speak to your dad almost everyday but it didnt work. I blasted music in my ears and it didnt work. I went outside for walks but it didnt work. I did things i like to do, like cook, draw, sing, but it didnt work. The only thing that is working to help this pain that i constantly feel is self harming and my will to die. I need to die before bean is old enough to remember me and if you try to stop me, i wont speak to you again Noah because fromt he tike bean is able to remember things, i wont have the guts to take my life. Im just a useless peice of shit, picking up space on this earth

Noah: If you are a useless peice of shit, picking up space on this earth then i am also one because im in love with you. Deep down, you know that isnt true. Deep down, you know how loved and valued you are

Dixie: Thats the thing Noah, i dont. Trust me, i tried to believe that im loved and valued but it doesnt work. All im saying is, i need to die. I want you to find someone who can love you more than i ever did and be the best mother to bean

Noah: Baby, i cant loose you to depression. You are the first greatest treasure of my life, bean being the second. You will break everyone in our family if you commit suicide

Dixie: Im done with this talk. You arent listening to me so can you let go of me so i can go put on some clothing?

Noah: No. I am listening to you Dixie but i dont think you are trying hard enough to get better. I know you are trying but i also know if you think about the pain everyone will go through when they see you dead, you will try your best and get over everything. Do it for me.....bean...our family and friends....our supporters/fans. And you are not getting up from here. Our door is locked, bean cant see you and i like you being naked ontop me

Dixie: I always think about everyone.....there isnt a minute that goes by where i domt think abiut you guys. Depression isnt easy to deal with bub......and it is even more difficult to speak about but i try. I know your dad gave me a drink that contained a truth serum in it because thats what our brain does; It tells us things that happens to us that no one tell us

Noah: What can i do to try to help you? I want to be there for you baby. I cant lsave you on your own to harm yourself

Dixie: Im already ontop of you and i havent had an orgasm in months; Touch me

Noah: No. How can i get those thoughts out of your head?

Dixie: That isnt possible. There is nothing you can do which is why i never told you nor anyone. This is something that i have been battling with since years before i met you but it got alot worst now and im going to loose this battle very soon

Noah: Please stop saying that. Baby, i love you and only you. Bean will have to grow up without a mother and i will get old, single

Dixie: I want to sleep

Noah: I will be checking up on you very often. I hope you can try to stop harming yourself and defenitely stop making attempts to kill yourself

Dixie: I love you Noah but i cant promise anything

Dixie got up from my lap and went to put on back her clothing. I want to cry but i just cant. I cant let her see me cry because of this. I will wreck her. How do i make her believe that she is valued? What do i do make her happy again? How can i get her to stop harming herself? There has to be a reason that all this is going on but sje clearly isnt ready to say it. After she finished putting on her clothing, we took of the light and got into bed. It was silent, no physical touch....nothing. i pulled her head on my chest, kissed her cheek then we both slowly fell asleep

Word Count: 1471words