Make You Feel My Love

Chapter 6

Cassy's POV

I heard everything. Every single thing. I want to talk kanina pero hindi ko kaya. I want to hug her but there's a voice in my head saying na wag. She really loves me? Or I was just selfish to think na unfair siya? I don't know. I don't even know why I'm still alive. Masyado pa maaga para lumungkot. Itutulog ko nalang ulit. Sana nga pag gising ko, ok na lahat.

Fast Forward...

I slowly opened my eyes and napapikit ulit ako dahil masakit sa mata ang ilaw. I am still adjusting my eyes when I felt someone na tumabi saakin. Binuksan ko ang mata ko para makita sino ang tumabi at it was Mom. She was smiling at me and hinalikan niya ang aking noo.

"H-hey baby. A-are you ok na ba? D-do you want something? Do you want to eat?" she softly asked me.

Nakikita ko sa kanyang mga mata na nag aalala talaga siya saakin. Umiling ako, and I tried to sit down. But my body is still weak pa talaga that is why nahihirapan ako. I think she noticed that I was having a hard time kaya tinulungan niya ako umupo. I looked at her and thanked her.

"T-thanks." I shyly said. Ngitian lang niya ako.

It was awkward. Very awkward.

Buti nalang pumasok ang isang doctor. Oh thank god it's Dra. Hope. Her name is Hope Estrella Soriano. My psychiatrist. Tinitignan na niya ako ng kakaiba, oh for God's sake.

"Don't look at me like that Dra. Hope. I know. I relapsed. Ugh!" I jokingly said.

"I know, I know. Ms. Irene would you mind if you let the both of us talk muna po? Your husband is actually outside po." she respectfully asked my Mom.

"Oh sure doc. I'll leave the both of you muna." she kissed my forehead again before she left. Ang sweet niya.

Sana pala araw araw ako nag rerelapse para sweet din siya always. Char lang po ito Lord. Hehe!

"Ok, so would you mind explain to me what happened to you young lady?" said doctora as she approaches me and sit beside me. She's bringing her laptop so alam kong recorded to.

"Hopieee! Alam kong recorded to ok lang haha! I think I can't also say infront of their faces kung ano ang sasabihin ko sayo ngayon."

"Ok. So, may I know what happened? So I'll also know what triggered your MDD (Major Depressive Disorder)."

So ayun kinuwento ko sa kanya. She's older than me but I treat her as my best friend. She's the only person who can understand me kasi eversince. That's why I love Hopie so much.

"I don't know bakit ganito yung nararamdaman ko. B-bakit ganito Hopie? Bakit imbis na matuwa ako, mas nasasaktan ako. I heard everything na sinabi niya saakin kanina. I wanted to speak. I wanted to ask her so many questions. But there are voices inside my head eh. Saying na I keep my mouth shut. There are voices in my head saying na I'm not worth it. I'm useless. Na they'll be happy if I'll kill myself." hindi ko na napigilan ang luha ko.

Nagusap pa kami. I think 30 mins na kami nag uusap. And kanina pa ako umiiyak. Ayoko na talaga. Kaso wala eh. Kailangan. I need this therapy so bad. So the voices in my head will end na. I just need someone to talk to.

"What do you want to tell them? Kunwari I'm your Mom, what will you tell me?" I was shocked kasi I don't know how to express my feelings. I sighed and started releasing my anger.

"I hate you. Why are you torturing me? Why do you need to hurt me like this? All I wanted was to be loved. Bakit pinapakita mo saakin na mahal mo ako kung kailan nasasaktan na ako? I just want you to love me. I'm doing everything naman why can't you give me the love I deserve? Why don't you just kill me kung ganyan? I'm so tired of my life. I'm just, so so tired. Tired of understanding na busy ka lang kaya hindi mo na ako napapansin o na aasikaso man lang. Pagod na akong intindihin ka. Pagod na pagod na ako maging anak mo. Kung alam ko lang naman na ganiyan mo ako sasaktan sana hindi nalang ako lumaban pa nung muntikan ako mamatay noon." I said. Hindi ko na talaga alam.

"Hopie, please leave me muna. I want to be alone. Hopie please. Please." I said when I realized na para na akong magbbreakdown ulit.

"I understand. You got triggered. Sige you rest na muna. I'll be back for our therapy session ulit ha? Sige, I'll talk to your parents first."

"T-thank you." I whispered. Nginitian lang niya ako.

Can't I just end my life? I'm so tired of this shit.

Irene's POV

Lumabas na ng kwarto ni Cassy si Doc Soriano.

"Hi, uhm nagpaiwan po siya sa loob. So I guess she's calming herself, Can I invite you to my clinic? I need to talk to the both of you po. Specifically to you, Ms. Irene." I just nodded. I was shocked of course.

Pero wala kasi akong choice I need to do this. For my daughter. For Cassy. Greggy and I followed doctora to her office. Sinetup niya ang kanyang laptop at pinarinig saamin ang usapan nila ni Cassy. I heard her voice. I heard her rants. I was shocked na ganun kalaki ang galit niya saakin. While she's expressing her anger to Hopie I feel like I was stabbed in the heart. I feel like I was stabbed. But I feel like pinatay na ako dahil sa huling linya niya.

"Pagod na akong intindihin ka. Pagod na pagod na ako maging anak mo. Kung alam ko lang naman na ganiyan mo ako sasaktan sana hindi nalang ako lumaban pa nung muntikan ako mamatay noon."

When I heard those words, my heart shattered into pieces. My world shattered. Anak hindi ko alam. I'm sorry. Pero wag ka namang sumuko. Anak babalik tayo sa dati. Andito na si Mommy.

"So, there Mrs. Araneta. Alam ko po na you want to help her, you want to make it up to her. Pero wag po natin siya biglain. Small steps Mrs. Araneta. While you are making up to her, you are also helping her to recover. We'll help Cassy to heal, as her parents help her po sa pamamaraan ng pagbawi sa kanya. She needs you both, especially you Ma'am. Before she is telling me na she misses you, your kiss, and your hugs. And I hope po this will be a lesson to the both of you. Wag ho natin siya bibiglain." I just nodded. Wala na akong lakas ng loob para magsalita. Nanghihina na ako sa mga narinig ko.

"Here are her medicines. She needs to take it twice a day. Let's help Cassy together." we just smiled. And went out of her office. Binili muna namin ang meds ng anak ko at bumalik sa kwarto niya.

Pagkapasok namin ay bumungad saamin ang anak ko na natutulog. Halatang kakaiyak lang niya. Nilapitan ko siya at hinalikan ko ang kanyang noo. May lumabas ng luha sa kanyang mata kaya dahan dahan kong pinunasan ang kanyang luha.

"I'm sorry baby. Mommy will make it up to you. Alright? I love you mahal ko. Mahal na mahal na mahal kita." i whispered to her and caressed her hair.

Mommy will be here. Just don't give up on us, Anak. Hindi kakayanin ni Mommy. Ikakamatay ko ang mawala ka.