I Was Younger Then

Sometimes Love Makes Us Do Stupid Things

Penny managed to escape the Gryffindor common room before Harry could find her, but made sure to ask Ginny to let him know she had plans with someone else today in Hogsmeade, so he would not worry. Ginny looked as though she wanted to ask Penny questions on the subject, but Penny was through the portrait hole before she could form the thoughts.

There were not many students in the Great Hall when Penny arrived because most normal people liked to sleep in on weekends, with exception for a small cluster of early risers. Penny had purposefully signed up for the early trip to Hogsmeade in order to avoid unwanted questions about her obviously distraught state.

She yawned, having been unable to sleep the night before. She tried her best not to think of the events that transpired on Friday, or acknowledge the horrible hole in her chest. Instead, she focused on filling her bag with the food she thought Sirius would like. Anything to keep moving, moving forward--it was all she could do, if she stopped, she was afraid she might be swallowed whole.

So that's what she did, one foot in front of the other through the cold morning chill. Her only thoughts were of Sirius, he would know what to do, he had to. Penny was convinced of it, of Sirius's ability to make this bad dream go away. She fixated on that certainty until she was standing before the cave he was staying in, her heart racing, unable to step forward or call out to her godfather.

She'd reached an impasse, her feet simply refused to move any farther, afraid the relief she fantasized Sirius would offer might not actually exist, and instead she'd be forced to face the horrible pain ripping her heart apart. Sirius had been best friends with James, he'd loved Penny's mom and dad, what if the truth. . .what if he hated Penny for it? And if he told Harry? If she lost them both, what would she have left? No, coming to Sirius was a stupid idea, she needed to leave before it was too late.

She turned and made it only a couple of crunching footsteps when his bark-like voice called after her, "Penny!" his hand clasped her shoulder and turned her around to face him, his face full of the warm amusement it always had. For someone who had suffered for so much of his life, he was unusually able to be happy.

Her heart sank even further, the man had endured so much, how could Penny ask him to share her burden? How could she be so selfish, Harry would never be. Why couldn't she be more like her brave twin, how come he got all the courage?

"I shouldn't have come, Sirius," Penny choked out, trying to pry herself away from him.

His forehead wrinkled and his amusement quickly became, concern.

"What happened, Penny?"

"Nothing. It was stupid of me to come, just let me leave, I'm sorry for disturbing you."

"Like hell, you're going to come with me and explain what is going on," said Sirius, dragging her across the snow and through his cave before forcing her into a chair.

"Hey you lunatic! You didn't have to drag me." Penny fumed.

"You think I haven't seen that look thousands of times on James' face? You might look like your mom, but you are so much like James it frightens me sometimes."

"Shut up Sirius, you don't know anything, I'm nothing like them," Penny said, looking decidedly away from her shaggy-haired godfather, she was afraid the feelings of her chest would burst out of her, that they would betray her fears. Something about seeing Sirius's face made it so much harder for her to keep her normal composure. She couldn't lie to him, no, she didn't want to lie to him.

The sound of a chair scratching against the cave floor met Penny's ears. Sirius made himself comfortable beside her, his elbows resting on his knees as he bent forward to brush her cheek gently.