I Was Younger Then

My Only Solace

Groaning, Penny rolled over, her bleary eyes searched for what was rubbing her head and found the dark outline above her. Her heart jumped in her chest, but his soft tones reached out to soothe her. "Don't be frightened, Penny, it's me. I'm sorry, I sorely regret having to wake you when you sleep so sweetly, but I need you to get up now."

"Can't I just never go back to school and instead you crawl in with me?" Penny pouted, rubbing her eyes.

He looked down at her then up at the clock before sighing. "Just five minutes," he conceded. Penny squealed in delight, she had not expected him to cave, but it was a wonderful way to spend her last moments in Grimmauld Place.

Scooting over, she pulled open her blanket and allowed him to climb in. Once he'd covered them with the blanket, he reached out and pulled her into his chest, wrapping her with both arms. Engulfed by his warmth was utter bliss to Penny who was feeling increasingly drowsy, but she did not want to waste the short time she had with him sleeping.

"Why can't life always be like this?"

"Like what?" he said in her ear.

"Like I could never be happier than I am in this moment. It's only downhill from here," Penny said, her voice full of too much melancholy for the time of day.

"Life has much more to offer you than a sorry old man like me," replied Lupin and she could hear the frown in his tone.

"Yeah, well I don't care, I don't want anything else from life."

He chuckled softly, the arms around her waist squeezing her a little tighter as he did so. "But I want more for you. If I could ensure you experience even half of it, I would die a happy man."

"Why can't you just believe that you are enough."

"Because I love you too much to accept anything less than everything for you. I missed out on eleven years, Penny, and you do not know how much I regret letting my shame convince me you were better off. I was even so foolish to believe I could be immune to you at Hogwarts. But you were even more enchanting than I ever could have imagined, and then you revealed bits and pieces of what those eleven years had been like, what was robbed from you. . .I can't take back my selfishness, but I won't make the same mistake twice," Lupin said, pressing his mouth against her hair in the tenderest of kisses.

"You make it really hard to argue with you," Penny complained.

"You can't win them all. You're already brilliant, charming, adorable, irresistible and extraordinarily sassy. So let an old man win once in a while."

Tugging herself free of his grip she turned so she could look into his eyes. "But what is it you want me to find? What if I spend all my life searching for something that's not there. I see my classmates, and sometimes I am envious of how carefree they are, but other times it feels all too shallow? They are utterly consumed by something that doesn't last, it frightens me. With you, I don't feel any of that. . ." Penny said, her brows furrowing as she tried to find the words adequate enough to express what she was feeling.

"Yes, youth is rather elusive isn't it?," he said, thoughtfully, pausing before he elaborated. "Youthful passions are fleeting, but that's what makes them alluring, worth seizing. Don't be afraid of them, Penny, for those are the precious things in life. Because you can't get them back or hold onto them is all the more reason to sieze them while you can," Lupin said, his brown eyes glimmering.

"Maybe. . .Either way I know a losing battle when I see one," Penny said, disgruntled.

"You really are a sore loser, aren't you?" he grinned, poking her in the side.