Oddinary// Hyunlix & Minsung FF// Editing

Chapter Thirty: Felix's Memory

"So Felix how are things going?" Mr Wang asked as he adjusted his round spectacles on his nose. I shrugged. It was my usual answer and he had come to expect it of me. Things had gotten harder and more complicated and I knew I had to be careful what I said to him.

Mr Lee had also decided, despite us paying, he wanted earn brownie points. So Min and I were still attending the parties once a week.

"OK. My memories are still blank and it kills me knowing his murderers are still out there somewhere." I murmured uncomfortably. Mr Wang sat, staring at me intensely through his thick lenses.

"And what about your relationship?" He asked. I was taken aback that he even remembered that discussion. I had forgotten it.

"You were right Doctor, I didn't have feelings for him. It's weird. I've moved on and I'm happy, but I genuinely thought what I felt back then was love." I mumbled. He chuckled slightly.

"That's what being young is my boy. How are your nightmares? Have the night terrors stopped?" I shook my head. I couldn't tell him the reason they hadn't stopped is because I had brand new horrors to face.

"They're still here, but I'm sure they'll stop." I said.

"What are they about? Still your father?" I nodded but it was a lie. My night terrors were horrid. Always about that room, and what I was forced to do whilst I was in there.

"My new boyfriend seems to help. Whenever I stay next to him when I'm asleep. They melt away. It's like he's my safety net and the only thing that keeps my mind busy."

"That's not always a good thing. We have to face our demons Felix. It's best not to shy away from them." He explained. I nodded. I understood what he was saying but at the same time he didn't know I had no choice but to face my demons.

"I also went mute recently. It hasn't happened in the longest time, but Jisung got into a fight and I couldn't stop it. My voice left me for a week." I murmured. Of course I couldn't tell him everything and I had a feeling he knew I was lying.

"Felix, things aren't going to get better if you're not honest. All I can say, from what I've gathered, is your mutism is a result of stress caused by feeling powerless. Stop trying to control every detail of your life, and accept the things you cannot change and it will pass." He said with a kindness in his voice that made me relax, probably a little too much.

"What if the things I cannot change traumatise me and someone I care about almost daily?" I asked without thinking. He eyed me suspiciously and leaned forward.

"And what trauma might that be?" He asked. I suddenly felt flustered and shook my head.

"N-Nothing. Just a bad joke Doc." I said forcing a smile.

"Not ready to talk huh? You know I'm only here to help. If there's something going on, I can get you protection." He offered kindly.

"It's ok Doc. Honestly." I lied.

"Well I'll see you in a week. Keep practicing your talking, and remember to relax Felix. It's not illegal to take some time for yourself." I smiled as I left and headed outside. I didn't know where I was going or what I was doing. I felt lost in this world. Like I had no place, and nowhere to be. My feet were carrying me somewhere.

Somewhere I didn't want to go.

I stopped as the dirty dank alley came into view and my eyes stared down it. My brain felt weird, as flashbacks of my father's body laid there, lifeless flashed through my brain and in front of my eyes.

Clouds gathered in the sky above me and a single drop landed on my nose. Then it began pouring. The parallels to that day were astounding and my heart was in my mouth. I was suddenly back there, watching my father's murder on repeat.