The delicate man that capCURED my heart

48 : DESERVE

KREIA'S POV

I went home with red fluffy eyes and locked myself in my room. Akala ko wala na akong mailuluha pa pero bumuhos na naman ang mga panibago nang maisara ko na ang pinto ng kwarto.

I tried to cry it all and let my heart to hurt until I fall asleep. Hapon na nang magising ako sa iilang malakas na katok mula sa pinto. Nang mabuksan ko ito ay bumungad agad ang nag-aalalang mukha ni daddy.

“What’s wrong, darling?” he asked worriedly after checking my state right now.

Siguradong namumula at namamaga ang ilalim ng mga mata ko dahil sa kakaiyak.

“D-daddy...” nanubig na naman ang mga mata ko kaya yumakap na agad ako sa ama. Doon ko na lahat ibinuhos sakanya.

I’m so tired for all of this. Nakakapagod na hindi ko man lang maisalba ang sarili ko sa iba. Nakakapagod na pakinggan ang mga walang kasinsamang pambibintang nila. I may act as tough as I can be but not all the freaking time. Tao lang din naman ako. I still have feelings, I still have the right to get hurt.

And how can he not care at all? How can he simply stared at me blankly like that when I’m fucking hurt in front of him? How can he not do anything for me? And how the fuck that I still love him even when he doesn’t do anything to lessen my pain? But maybe I’m just stupid enough to think that he’ll do anything for me... Or maybe I just can’t accept the fact that he don’t see me anymore like how he see me before.

“I-im sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin things in between you two” daddy said and wiped away my tears after I tell him everything right from the start.

“No dad, maybe it was destined to happen. Who knows?” mapakla akong tumawa sa mga iniisip.

Siguro nga nangyari yun para ipaglayo kami sa isa’t-isa. Things really happens for a reason.

When we came back at school for the first day of being a fourth year college student, napuno agad nang usap-usapan ang buong campus tungkol sa pagiging trainee ni Justin sa isang korean company. Hindi na ako nabigla sapagkat ipinaalam na ito ni Kent noon sa akin.

And as if it was a magic that he’s finally back for being friendly with others. Ayokong isipin na dahil sa iyon sa mga ibinato kong salita sakanya sa rooftop. I don’t want to think that he did and fix something so that it won’t bother me anymore. Para ano, mahuhulog na naman ako sa patibong at ako na naman ang kawawa?

“Their company name is ShowBT Philippines, they are just training under a korean company but still they are called a P-POP group” Kent said while doing some research about the group.

That’s interesting. If ever they debut as a group, I know they’ll eventually pave the way for the future groups ahead. And for sure they will dominate the world. I am somehow happy for him, genuinely happy.

I just hope he won’t overwork himself, but I know him very well. He can balance his studies and his dream. Malapit na rin naman kaming gumraduate, konting tiis na lang at malaya na siyang gawin ang gusto niya.

But second semester came and we are all struggling for our thesis. Pero alam kong mas nahihirapan siya. It was obvious on his face, kasi nasa iisang room lang kami at nakikita ko ang pagkukumahog niyang tapusin ang mga dapat gawin pagkatapos ay dederetso sa kompanya na pinagte-trainingan nila. It breaks my heart that I can’t even lend a help when I promised him last time that I’ll be right by his side. That I will support him no matter what.

Ako lang din pala ang mismong huhulog sa sarili ko sa patibong. Dahil isang hapon, sinubukan kong lapitan siya sa library. He was pulling his hair out of frustration. May nakabuklat na libro sa harap niya, siguro ay nagre-review dahil papalapit na naman ang examination.

“Want some help?” maingat na tanong ko sakanya pero hindi siya kumibo.

Ang kaninang magkasalubong na kilay ay kumalma na at binitawan na rin nang dahan-dahan ang buhok nito. His hand is now resting on the table. I took the chance to hold it and caressed it a little. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hinahayaan niya ako sa ginagawa ko ngayon.

“Don’t stress yourself too much, rest if you can” you can rest to me. I smiled sadly for my unspoken thoughts.

After a while, his phone vibrates on the table. It was a call and he immediately answered it with his free hand. Hinahayaan niya pa rin akong hawakan ang isang kamay niya.

Since the library is very silent, naririnig ko ang kausap niya sa kabilang linya.

“Dre, san ka? Tara na rito. Mag-e-elimination round na naman baka ikaw na mismo ma eliminate kapag hindi ka umabot! Bilis na Justin!”

Dahil sa narinig ay bigla na lang itong tumayo at marahas na binawi ang kamay sa akin. Kaya naman ay malakas na tumama ang kamay ko sa mesa na biglang ikinasakit nito. He didn’t noticed it for he was really panicking while fixing his things.

I was worried for him, ni hindi niya na alam kung anong uunahin niya. Nagkasabay-sabay na ang lahat. The examinations is coming, the thesis, their elimination round every week, their training and all. Sobrang nag-aalala ako sakanya na hindi ko na pinagkaabalahan ang kumikirot kong kamay.

“Nag-uusap pa rin ba kayo ni Josh?” I asked Qwyn while we are heading to the parking lot.

“Minsan na lang, busy na kasi yun sa training nila”

“Parang siya yung tumawag kay Justin kanina” sabi ko nang maalala ang pamilyar na boses kanina.

“Ah, oo. Same sila ng company pero maaga lang na nakapasok si Josh doon” sagot niya.

“Bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi?” huminto ako at pinanliitan siya ng mata. “Sasamahan mo ‘ko bukas, bibisitahin natin sila sa studio nila!” dagdag ko pa sabay pasok sa kotse ko. Siya naman ay pumasok na rin sa front seat.

“Kasi Krei ano, pano ba ‘to...” napakamot siya sa ulo ng hindi na alam ang irarason para hindi makasama.

“No buts, Qwyn Ayiel!” asik ko pa bago pinaharurot ang sasakyan.

Destined to happen para ipaglayo kami sa isa’t-isa my ass! Wala na talaga akong tiwala sa sarili ko, rurupok pa rin pala talaga para kay Justin Torres De Dios! Deserve iyakan kasi napakapogi tapos ilalaban ulit dahil tanga ako.

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