Kenzie Gilbert: The Tormented Twin (6)

24: We're Both Sorry

Chapter Twenty Four

I was sitting outside on the deck, alone. It was around 2 in the morning. I snuck out of bed, pulled on my onesie and headed outside with my diary. It was too dark to write not that it mattered because all I could write was "Stefan and I just had the kinkiest night ever thus far. Absolutely mind blowing but... I feel more broken than ever. Sex doesn't fix anything. It surely doesn't bring me comfort or assure me of his feelings or prepare me for an eternity with him..." And that wasn't a rabbit hole I wanted to go down because it would just make me depressed. Probably break my own heart.

"Kenz?" I heard. I sighed softly, staring at the still water with the moonlight shining on the midnight blue surface. I didn't know what to say to him. Why the hell was I out here? Besides the fact I couldn't sleep. Which is stupid because in his arms was where I was comfiest but the level of comfort has changed. I was hesitant to trust that he would stay through the night. The last time he did technically, he got up before me so I still woke up in bed alone just with him at my bedside, complaining about me sleeping in. "Babe?" He tried as he took a seat right beside me.

"What are we doing, Stefan?" I whispered.

He reached over and grabbed my hand, "Do you remember the exact moment you knew you were in love with me?"

I furrowed my brows and turned to look at him. "Of course I do," I answered quickly. "After the Miss Mystic pageant... God, I'll never forget it. When Damon and I found you in the woods attacking that other contestant... You were terrified. You were nearly broken, and all I wanted was to hold you. I wanted to take away your pain, fix everything, and hold you forever. To protect you forever..."

"You said you loved me that night too."

"I remember," I reassured. "We were back home. I was trying to clean you up. Once I did, I was lost in your beautiful eyes. Broken or not, you were the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on. Something about you always, and I mean always, spoke to my soul. It was in that moment I knew I never wanted to lose you, I couldn't lose you. I was in love with you and I never wanted to feel another thing."

Stefan's eyes like mine were glossy with tears. He smiled softly then, "We said I love you in the most vulnerable frantic moment."

I nodded in agreement, "It's been awhile since we've had a moment like that."

"I'm sorry, Kenz," he whispered. "I am. I think we've both gotten so comfortable with each other, just used to falling into one another, that we thought the other would always be there. This started when I teamed up with Klaus to find the cure–"

"I should've never slept with Damon."

His brows raised, "I'm over that–"

"Are you? Cause I'm not. Damon and I... This is the closest he and I have ever been. I've always held this emotional connection to him because I felt like I related to him. We were the black sheep of our families. But as close as we are, it isn't romantic, because we don't allow it to be. It's like we finally accepted right and wrong. Have we had a tender moment that could've resulted in a kiss? Yes. And it's freaky. But I know we would never jeopardize our friendship again, we would never want to hurt you again or hurt Elena, and... And honestly, I don't think I ever believed he was right for me. Back then I wanted attention because I failed to get it from you at the time and he gave it to me. Not to mention the sire bond's effects. I still have no idea what feelings were my own and what was heightened because Damon spoke it... But still I knew better. He was your brother. And I should've never hurt you that way by being with him."

"You can't control your feelings," he shrugged but I could see the discomfort on his face talking about the subject. "I mean, I did date your sister first."