Let It Chase Me (1)

And the River Flows

"Why is it dark outside?" I look out my window to see the starry sky. "Man, I must have slept longer than I meant to. What was I even doing before I fell asleep?" I looked around my room for any sign of what I was doing. My eyes landed on my notebook sitting on my desk. "I thought I had this on my bed with me" I said to myself. I shrugged and decided to go to the living room.

When I got out there, I noticed the place was weirdly quiet. "Eds?" I called out. Nothing. "Beck?" I then tried, just in case. But was greeted with the same silence that filled the apartment before I began talking. Maybe they went out to dinner. They sometimes do that I guess.

I walked to the tv and switched it on. MTV was already on, so I walked into the kitchen and looked for something to eat. A familiar tune came on and I began to sing along while cooking.

"All that I needed was youuuuu! oh girl, you're so riiiight, and all that I wanted was you! You make aaaallll-"

"All my dreams come true baby!" someone yelled behind me. I whipped around so fast I almost fell. I found a laughing Eddie. Of course I did.

"What the hell are you doing? Don't you know not to sneak up on a woman holding a knife?" I joked at him, pointing the knife in his direction.

"Woah! Calm down there! I wasn't sneaking, you just didn't hear me!" he laughed at me. I chuckled back before remembering what Beck said. My smile fell and I turned back to the food I was cutting.

"So, where's Beck at this hour?" I asked, trying to be nonchalant in my small talk.

"She's back at her house. She needed to talk to her roommates about something, but she'll be back over" he said as he sat at the counter.

"Should I make enough food for you guys too?" I asked without looking at him. I didn't want to get lost in his eyes right now.

"Oh no that's okay Ems. I think we're going to get takeout. Will you be here all night?" he asked me. What a weird question.

"I live here, don't I?" I responded, not entirely answering the question in case he wanted the place to himself.

"Well yeah.." he said quietly. I felt a pang of guilt when he said that. I hated seeing him sad. "I just wanted to make sure you were going to be here. Beck wants to sit and hang with you I think."

I stopped what I was doing immediately. Why did she want to hang out with me? Did she just want to ask me for another 'teensy favor?' I felt my anxiety rise, but thankfully Eddie didn't notice. Or if he did, this time he didn't try to help me stay grounded...

A knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts. Eddie smiled and jumped up. "I'll get it!"

He returned to the kitchen a few moments later with Beck by his side. I smiled at both of them weakly and turned back to the food. Funny, I don't feel very hungry anymore.

Once I was done with making the food, I headed to the living room. Eddie and Beck were already sitting on the couch talking quietly to themselves. As I got closer they stopped talking. I sat down with my plate and took a few small bites before Beck spoke up.

"So, Emmy, we wanted to talk to you about something" she said towards me, smiling.

"Okay, go for it" I said barely looking at her.

"Okay well, Eddie asked me to move in with him!"

I dropped my fork and looked at both of them. They were smiling at each other. I sat there looking stupid while they were googling at each other. It was setting in completely. Eddie was leaving me. Beck was winning. Oh who am I kidding? She already won.

"Ems? You okay?" Eddie pulled me from my thoughts.

"Of course I'm okay!" Lie. "I'm happy for you guys!" Lie. "I actually was planning on moving out too! I just didn't know how to tell you yet." Okay what am I saying? That's a lie that will get me into trouble here.

"Really?" Eddie asked me. "Why didn't you tell me anything about that?"

"Oh come on Eddie, we're both adults. I can make these decisions on my own." Why was I being so mean towards him? He was my Eds, not Eddie. But I guess he's hers now, so that doesn't really matter.

"That's so great! See, Ed. I told you she would be okay! And this way we can just stay in this apartment! We don't have to go house searching!" There Beck goes with that rambling again.

"I'm just going to go call my friend and tell them that I made a decision" I smiled at them, lying my ass off.

"What friend?" Eddie asked. He knew I was lying. I could feel it.

"Not anyone you would know. Just, don't worry about it."

I left my plate on the coffee table and headed to my room. I went to my desk and picked up the phone I had in my room. Who the hell am I going to call? I started thinking about where I want to go. Then I remembered what I wrote this morning before falling asleep.

but how will I move on

unless I'm two oceans away

There was only one person I knew that didn't live in San Diego. They had moved to Seattle after graduation to join a band up there. That was perfect for me. I could move up to Seattle, get into the music scene, meet new people, meet a replacement for Eddie...

I dialed their number and waited to see if they would answer. What if they didn't answer? Or worse, they do answer but don't want me to come up there? Maybe this isn't such a good id-

"Hello?"

"Um, hi! Is this River?"

"Yes, River Cardo at your service. May I ask who this is?"

I smiled to myself. "It's Emelia!"

"Shut up, no it's not! How the hell are you kid?" they excitedly asked me.

"I'm doing really good! I did have a quick question. You still live in Seattle right?"

"Sure do! Bands up here you know. We call ourselves Bliss, whatever the hell that means. Why do you ask?"

"Well," I started. I checked to make sure Eddie or Beck wasn't snooping. "I need a change of scenery. I'm ready to leave San Diego."

"Holy shit! That's so exciting! Dude, I think the universe is working in our favor. Our singer just quit and we were about to start searching for a new one. Would you like to try out? Of course even if no, I have a warm bed for you here and a nice roof to put over your head."

This was going even better than I thought it could. "That sounds amazing dude. I can definitely try out but no promises I'm good enough. When is a good time for me to come up there? I still have to pack, well, everything. I think I could probably just drive my car up there." I looked around at my room trying to decide what to take and what to just leave in the past.

"Come up as soon as you can! How about this, tonight you start packing. Work through until noon tomorrow. When it's a little past noon, give me a call and we can figure some shit out from there. Sound good?"

"Sounds perfect! Okay I'll talk to you tomorrow River" I said happily into the phone.

"Catch you then, kid" they said before hanging up the phone.

I looked around my room and tried to decide where to start. This was going to take a while. But I never act impulsively. I'm going to this time. I'm going to leave here and not look back. I'm going my 'two oceans away.'