Let It Chase Me (1)

Big Dumb Sex

"Okay, I think that's the last box. Thanks for this opportunity, Ems" Eddie said to me, setting down a box of his and Beck's stuff. 

"Well, I was looking for new roommates anyway! Plus I spend most of my time at Chris' anyway" I said chuckling softly. 

"How are you two doing?" Eddie asked, trying to make small talk as we unpacked some of their things. 

"Well, I guess we're okay. He's been pretty busy with Soundgarden so we haven't spent a lot of time together" I said looking down at my hands. 

Chris had been busy with Soundgarden, that wasn't a lie. But I didn't tell Eddie he had been especially busy with Soundgarden's manager, Susan. There was nothing wrong with that of course. I mean Chris and I weren't really dating. We were just healing together. Just healing. 

"Ems? Are you okay?"

I was snapped out of my daze by Eddie's voice.

"Yes, yes I'm alright. Just thinking about some things" I said not looking at him. "So, are you excited to see Soundgarden and Bliss perform tonight?" I asked to ease the tension. Eddie smiled that goofy smile at me. 

"Heck yeah I am. And Beck should be here in time to watch you guys go on, I know she'll like the show."

I smiled at him even though I didn't want to. I was happy without Beck in my life, but I would manage. I always did. We finished unpacking the bit we wanted to and I got up to leave. 

"Okay, I'm going to Chris' house before the show to meet up with the guys. I'll see you at the venue!" I said to Eddie before walking out the door. 

I arrived at Chris' place in no time. I locked my car and turned to his house. There was a car out front I didn't recognize, but I didn't think much of it. I went up to the door and used my spare key to unlock it. 

I should've turned around the second I heard it, but my feet wouldn't listen. I walked towards Chris' room and the moans grew louder. I knew I was dumb for walking towards the sound, but I didn't know I was the idiot that would open the door. 

I was met with Chris' wide eyes and a woman beneath him. A tear slid down my face.

I quickly turned to leave. I heard Chris call out my name, but I didn't turn around. I wanted to get out of there. I ignored him as he ran up to me. I took the key off of my key ring and his flannel off of my shoulders, I placed them both on his kitchen counter.

"M&M, please listen to me. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you-"

"Chris, it's okay. We weren't actually together. It's okay." I started crying hard, I just couldn't control it. "It's my fault really. I mean we were just healing together. I guess I just don't know now if this was a cure, or if this was a disease. It's my fault. I shouldn't have let my self love you the way I do. We're meant to be friends. And we will be Chris. Just leave me alone for a while, okay?"

I didn't give him time to respond. I ran out to my car and drove to the venue. Being a few hours early wouldn't hurt. I could get a drink or two and meet some fans. Maybe the fans would help me feel better. 

I sat at the bar alone. It was still early so there weren't a whole lot of people here. I found a payphone and called Stone and River. I explained to them what happened but that I didn't want sympathy. I asked River to bring me a change of clothes so I didn't go on in just a t-shirt and jeans. 

I went back over to the bar and sat for a moment with my head in my hands.

"I'm sorry to bother you ma'am, but are you the singer for Bliss?" I looked up and was met with two young women looking at me. I smiled at them and nodded my head. Their eyes lit up as they asked if they could buy me a drink. I happily accepted. We sat and talked for a while.