Unlovable

Chapter 5

"Hello" I say into the phone.

"If we're going to talk, I want to do it in person" Jackson says on the other end.

"Ok when and where?"

"Coffee shop please" he says.

Wow he can say the word "please". That surprises me.

"Ok we can meet now then" I say and hang up.

I start my car and head towards the coffee shop.

I sit and wait in the coffee shop for Jackson to show up. I've been here 30 minutes already. Maybe it was a joke to make me come here and he's standing me up.

I get up to leave until I see him come in.. He walks over and sits down beside me.

"Sorry It took so long to get here. Had something to deal with" he says.

"It's fine" I say fidgeting with my hair nervously.

"What do you want to talk about?" He asks.

"I was just wondering why your so rude me?"

"I'm not actually rude to you. I just think it's funny to see you mad and flustered" he says.

I look at him already mad and flustered because why would someone do that? It's just so rude.

"Well, that's all I wanted to know" I say and get up to leave.

Jackson grabs my wrist softly before I could walk away.

"Don't go. What's the matter?" He asks.

I pull away quickly.

"Nothing is the matter. I just have a paper to work on and I should go and get it done" I say shyly.

"Ok well maybe we can meet up sometime for lunch" he says.

My heart starts beating very fast when I realize what he just asked me.

"Are you asking me on a date?" I ask fumbling my words out of nervousness.

"Call it what you want, I'm just hungry and I like seeing you get mad at me" he says.

I look at him confused and a little upset that he didn't call it a date.

"I'll have to see what I'm doing but I have to go" I say and leave the coffee shop in a rush.

I get home to work on my paper and think about the conversation me and Jackson just had.

"Did he want to go on a date with me?" I think to myself but quickly get the thought out of my head. He wouldn't want to go on a date with me! Look at me and look at him! He's literally perfect and so attractive and I'm just me. Nothing special! He could have someone so much prettier. I stop thinking about it and start working on my paper.

Love and hate

Loving somebody takes a lot of emotion but so does hating someone. I've loved many people in my life, but I can count on one hand how many people I've hated. I hate my ex who abused me, and I hate his friends who thought it was funny. I've hated myself at times when I don't feel good enough, But I've also loved many people. My mom and dad. Myself at times when I do something to be proud of. I've never loved and hated somebody at the same time though. Is it possible? Can you love and hate a person at the same time? Those two words have very different meanings, but I feel in way, they both take the same amount of emotion to express. I feel hate is just a word for somebody you still love, but don't believe in anymore.

I end my essay there and put away my books. "I'll finish it later" I think to myself.

My phone vibrates and it's Jackson.

"Goodnight" he sends.

I don't text back and put my phone away. I close my eyes ready for sleep.