Unlovable

Chapter 21

I'm still baffled that he screamed at me and now wants to see me. Maybe I can explain to him what happened to me in my last relationship so that he knows not to scream at me again.

"Ok we can meet. But only because I have to tell you something that's really important to me"

"Ok that's fine. Can you come to my house?" He asks.

"Sure, I'm on my way now"

"See you soon" he says and hangs up.

I make my way to his house and knock.

He answers the door.

"Ellie" he says with a sad tone.

"Hey. Can we sit?" I ask.

"Sure"

We sit on the couch, and I begin talking.

"What I'm about to tell you, is very private to me but you need to know. I had an ex-boyfriend named Daniel. I know you don't want to hear about ex's, but you need to know this. He physically and emotionally abused me" I say with tears welling up in my eyes.

Jackson pulls me in for a hug.

"He used to yell at me and call me ugly all the time. If I didn't do what he wanted, he'd hit me. He wanted to hit me any chance he got. You yelling at me, brought back those memories and that scared me" I say.

"I'm so sorry Ellie. I didn't mean to do that. I'm so-so sorry baby" he says and hugs me tight.

"He did one more thing to me. One night I wasn't feeling good when we were hanging out and I was just tired. He wanted to have sex and I told him I wasn't feeling well but he didn't care... I begged him to stop" I break down after saying that.

"Where the fuck is this guy? I'm going to kill him" Jackson says in anger.

"Please no. Just stay with me. Hold me please" I beg.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here" he says as I cry into his chest.

"Can I be honest about something?" He says.

I wipe my tears and look at him.

"Yes" I say.

"I read you're notebook and saw that you're ex abused you. You didn't write all the details, so I didn't know everything until you just told me but I'm sorry for reading it" he says.

"It's fine. I just wanted to tell you and give you all the details myself"

"I'm so sorry that this happened to you" he says.

I just rest my head on his chest and feel myself doze off.

He realizes I've fallen asleep and swoops my legs up and lifts me in his arms. I slightly wake up because of the movement. He carries me into the bedroom and lays me down.

"I'll never hurt you baby. I promise"

He wraps his arms around me and pulls me to his chest and I immediately fall back to sleep in his embrace.

The morning comes and Jackson isn't in bed. I rub my eyes and stretch while looking around for him. I get out of bed and walk into the living room and he's sitting on the couch drinking coffee.

"Good morning" I say in a tired voice and walk over to sit by him.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yes. Can I have some coffee?" I ask.

"Yes I'll get it"

He gets up and walks to the kitchen to get me a cup.

"I'm sorry about last night... I didn't mean to break down like that" I say nervously.

"Don't ever apologize for expressing you're feelings to me"

He puts the cup down on the coffee table and grabs my hands.

"I want to tell you about something too" he says.

"Ok.. I'm listening"

"When I was a kid and I saw my dad cheating on my mom all the time, I thought that's how relationships were supposed to be. Now that I'm an adult, it's hard to shake that habit of being unfaithful. That's why I yelled at you. You didn't do anything wrong. I just know that I'm no good for you. I'm fucked up and I don't want to hurt you Ellie. So please don't think you've done anything wrong. I just know I'll break your heart" he says sadly.

"I guess it's a good thing we can choose who hurts us" I say and place my hand against his cheek.

"I'm not going anywhere. I want you and I can help you break that habit if you will let me. I'm sorry you had to witness that growing up but I'm here for you and I'm not going anywhere. Please don't make me go anywhere. I'm here and I want you so let me be here" I say placing my forehead to his.

"I couldn't live with myself if I broke you're heart. Please Ellie" he says softly cupping my cheek.

"I'm here and I'm not running away from this. From us" I say as I climb on top of him and straddle his lap. I begin kissing him passionately.

"Ellie" he grunts out.

"I'm not going anywhere. I promise" I whisper to him.