Wedlock - Harry Styles A.U

thirty nine

Edora

"You're worrying." Harry whispers in my ear and gives my hand a firm squeeze from where our intertwined fingers rest in my lap. "Stop worrying."

I let out a shaky breath and keep my eyes on the couple that are currently sharing their story at this birthing class. I shake my head in response to Harry because I'm not worrying.

I mean, generally, I'm worrying. I feel like I've not stopped worrying since that positive pregnancy test. Although I don't have all of the same worries I did back then, there's one prominent one that is haunting me - the birth. From the start I've been told everything bad that could happen and hardly anything good. I've been told to prepare for the worst but nobody has told me how; so when I found out a natural birth is slowly becoming an option for me, I knew I needed to do something to calm my anxiety, hence, the birthing class.

"I'm not worried." I whisper back, leaning into him so I'm not disturbing the couple sharing how unsuccessful they've been in getting pregnant.

Turns out, this class isn't just for those expecting. It's also for those who are trying and are unsuccessful; and as they share their stories about how much they're struggling it makes me feel guilty. I feel so fucking guilty.

These people have been trying for years, it's a dream of theirs, in their life plans and are struggling. I didn't even have to purposely try. They want nothing more than their own little bundle of joy. Our little one wasn't planned. We didn't struggle. Although loved now, our baby wasn't made from love like everyone else here. It was so goddamn easy and we never appreciated it.

"I feel guilty." I continue, my heart aching a little more as a stray tear slips down the woman's face.

"Guilty?"

I nod my head.

"For what?"

I slowly turn to look at Harry, seeing nothing but genuine confusion plastered on his face. I don't expect him to feel the same but it's a little odd he's not caught onto why because if you look around the room, every pregnant couple are exchanging the same uncomfortable expressions. He is none the wiser. Now that I'm frowning at him, his lips turn up a little and his eyes scan around the room before landing back on me and shrugging his shoulders.

"You're looking at me as if I'm supposed to know. I'm not a mind reader, Honey."

My eyes narrow at him.

"Are you even listening?"

"No."

My face drops a little. He chuckles under his breath.

"What? Am I supposed to be?"

"Yes!" I whisper shout, nothing but disbelief filling my tone.

I suddenly notice the silence that has filled the room when somebody awkwardly clears their throat. Very slowly, I move my eyes from Harry to look around the room and every single person has their eyes on me. I'm met with looks of disbelief - not the kind of disbelief that I've interrupted them but one that goes hand in hand with shock. I feel my cheeks turn red and a lump in my throat forms. I too awkwardly clear my throat and before I get the chance to apologise for interrupting the session - assuming that's what I've done - the woman previously speaking beats me to it.

"Do you really think that?" She timidly asks, hurt evident in her tone.

My eyes narrow at her, unsure of what she is talking about.

"You think we should stop trying?" Her partner then questions and my jaw drops, my eyes go wide and I realise how poor my timing was to be an interruption. I quickly force out an apology and scrabble for an excuse.