𝐇𝐮𝐬𝐡 𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲

Sixty Five | Motel

TOM

It's been about three weeks without seeing Y/N, since I've been filming certain scenes with some of the cast in Wales for some location shots. You see, the house we'd all see the characters stay at in the film is actually a mixture of three different places. A real house in England for the interiors, a fake house built on a sound stage for majority of the shots and the outside of the house is this huge creepy mansion in Wales. Only a few of us need to be filmed outside the house though, so Y/N didn't get to come with me.

It's probably a good thing because there's literally nothing to do here and I'm sharing a room with Alex in the worlds worst motel. The house we're shooting at is quite possibly in the middle of nowhere, we're not allowed to stay inside and the closest place we could stay is a two and a half star motel about half an hour away from the property.

And it has taken us three weeks to film because the weather has completely fucked us over because we had planned to arrive whilst it was rainy, but then the rain got so heavy that the paddocks all flooded and turned to mud, then once it dried out enough, we had to wait for light enough rain to actually film.

Except it didn't even rain again so we had to wait for more crew to drive out here, set up a fake weather rig, get a shit tonne of water here in tanks and then make fake rain to follow us.

So what should have been a week, maybe two if it all turned to shit, ended up being three weeks of absolute hell. Honestly, Alex and I have been playing 'Words with Friends' and 'Among Us' most nights with the crew just to stay somewhat entertained.

Oh! And sharing a room with Alex meant that I could wank in peace despite Y/N's very generous offer to FaceTime me. I contemplated asking him to leave for an hour but there's nowhere he could go. Half the crew are sleeping in their cars, it's a nightmare.

Whilst Alex was in the shower, Y/N called me. I thought about maybe tossing off underneath the sheets quickly but I didn't want to risk it. Plus, she started talking about the film straight away and it would feel a little off if I just cut her off and started dirty talking. I don't want her to think I was too horny to not ask her about her day and what not.

Then we got into a bit of an emotional period where I ended up spilling all of this word vomit about how I was feeling about the film. So that definitely wasn't a good time to start thinking about her sexually.

"What do you mean you're sorry? What are you talking about?" She said to me, pouting as she rolled onto her stomach on my bed back in London.

"I just- I'm not doing enough you know?" I sighed.

"Enough? Enough what? Do you not like the script? Did I not make it deep enough? Do you feel like you have enough moments to showcase your talent?" She said worriedly, misinterpreting my worry.

"No! No darling, it's the opposite. I feel like I'm not living up to the character everyone sees... I feel like at my best, it's only like an eight out of ten. And I want to do better and I feel like I'm just missing something and I don't know what it is," I said rubbing my eye and lying back on my shitty motel bed.

It was true, no matter how invested I got into a scene, I felt like everyone else was a hundred times better, they cried more tears, their eyebrows looked angrier and their words meant more than when so did it. I just couldn't figure out how it wasn't working for me.

"Are you serious Tom? Have you even seen yourself on camera to make these types of judgments? Oh my god, you are blowing all of us away... And the studios are ridiculously happy with the samples they've seen," She said moving closer to the camera and resting her head in her hand.

"I don't need to see it, I just feel shit... And of course the studios are happy, they have huge actors doing their film and they know they'll make profit at box office," I whined.

"So why are you all mopey huh? Because if you don't think you're good enough I don't know what will convince you," she sympathised.

And she was right, I was just in a shitty headspace where everything I saw as a tiny issue, was blown out of proportion. And if something wasn't an issue, I'm sure that if I thought about it got long enough, I could find an issue with it.

"I dunno darling... I need you here with me, I don't feel great at the moment, this town is fucking freezing and I got a call from Zendaya and I feel like, really weird and uncomfortable about it and the food in this town is so bad they literally only have two places that make food. And these beds, fuck I'm not a tall guy but my feet hang off the edge of this fucking thing," I complained, screwing up my face and wiping my sleeve under my eyes.

"Dont cry Tommy, it'll make me miss you even more... What did Zendaya call you about?" She asked, trying to change the subject but obviously still staying on the subject.

"She just told me about the break up with Timmy and I said I know, she said she regrets leaving me and I said okay and she said we should catch up and I said no thankyou and then it became this weird argument about how I was always so stubborn and that's why she couldn't ever open up to me and blah blah, I just feel like I got broken up with all over again," I sighed.

"But you have me, I might be a few hours away but you have me and I love you, I promise," she said softly, holding her pinky finger up to the screen.

"I love you too," I smiled back, sniffling my nose before holding my own pinky up on the screen and bending it as if we were linking our fingers.

"If you don't kiss your thumb it's not a proper pinky promise," she grinned, pressing her lips to her thumb whilst bending her pinky too.

I kissed my thumb and smiled at the girl on my phone screen, knowing that I just needed to bury my head in the crook of her neck and shoulder and have all my worries melt away with the warmth of her against me.