Get A Room!

~:*:~ Eighty-Eight ~:*:~

Ian

I kissed him... I kissed Chace!

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuuuuucccckkkkkkkk!

Why did I do that?! What does it mean for the two of us? Does Chace actually like me, or did I misinterpret things? Were his hidden feelings the real reason why he couldn't stand being around me anymore? Did I kiss him just to get him to be my roommate again? Was I using his feelings for my benefit, or was I exploring my own? Didn't I just want to be friends? Why did I feel all tingly when our lips touched? Why do I want to kiss him again?

DO I ACTUALLY LIKE CHACE?!

FUCK.

I think I do. I must, right? It's the only way to explain these confusing feelings that I've had for him over the past few weeks. I wasn't just jealous because I wanted to keep Chace for myself as a friend... god, I'm a fucking moron! I was actually jealous because I wanted to have Chace for myself as a LOVER.

I hated seeing Lexi on his lap because I wanted to be there instead.

I liked jumping into his arms on the soccer field that day, and I've wanted to do it again ever since.

I hated that he ran to Leona after watching porn with me because I didn't want her to help him finish. I wanted to see it for myself, and I wanted to feel the thrill of having his eyes on me as I finished.

I liked having his dick in my hands that time I accidentally jerked him off, and I enjoyed keeping this dirty little secret.

I hated that Miriam asked him out before I could. And I hated that he touched her when comforting her. I didn't want him to be kind to anyone but me.

I liked that he openly touched my crotch the other day in the alley, and I wish that I hadn't of pushed him away so soon.

I hated that he was moving out. I was such an ignorant fool, lost in my own feelings. I hurt him time and time again, and all he ever did was care for me.

I liked kissing him. Even though it was a quick, chaste peck, it was still electrifying. I wanted to do it again. I wanted to deepen the kiss. I wanted to touch him. I wanted to fuc-

Yeah. It's official... I like Chace. And I'm fairly certain he likes me too.

This has to be what Leona's been hinting at all this time. She knew that we liked each other, but we were both too stubborn and idiotic to admit it. Chace was scared to come out of the closet for me since he assumed I'd just turn him down. And I was so hung up on beating him in this non-existent war for every girl's heart that I mistook my true feelings for him. If we'd both just admitted that we liked each other long ago, maybe we'd be together by now!

But is that what I wanted? Do I actually want to date a guy? I'm still very attracted to girls, but I'm also completely turned on by Chace. Does that make me bisexual? It's not like I've ever thought of another man this way, and I don't think I really want to. It's like it has to be Chace, or else it's not worth it. So does that mean I'm still hetero, but with one exception? Can I do that? Ugh, this is all so fucking confusing!

You know what? I don't give a shit! Fuck labels. I don't care if people think I'm gay or bi! They can say whatever they want; I've never cared about gossip or useless opinions from strangers. All I care about is Chace. I want to be in a relationship with him that goes beyond friendship. I want to take him out on a date and spoil him rotten! I want him to laugh and smile like he used to when we were together, and I want to be able to kiss him whenever I fucking please!

Holy shit... this overwhelming feeling of desire is driving me insane!

I've never felt so sure about someone in my entire life. This is even more exciting than the time I first asked out Miriam, or even the time I lost my virginity in ninth grade! I was never this nervous or giddy with any of my previous female partners. Maybe because they were always a sure thing; they either approached me first or made it abundantly clear that they'd say yes if asked. Basically I never had to work for a relationship; it always fell neatly into my lap.