Get A Room!

~:*:~ Eighty-Nine ~:*:~

Jedson

Nate had a class around noon so I was on my own to figure out lunch.

I suppose I could have called someone else, like Leona, Chace or Ian, but I didn't want to make them feel obligated to meet me. They had their own busy lives to lead and shit to deal with.

Of course Nate had problems too, but he seemed to be using helping me as a way to take his mind off of it while giving Paxton the space he asked for. I don't exactly know what happened between those two because Nate clams up and gets a little weepy each time I try to ask. All I know is that Paxton and Chace switched rooms, so it seems everyone's rocky relationships are being tested right now.

As soon as I walked into the cafeteria, a swarm of girls and guys raced over to me to chat. We had all become friendly over frosh week, but for the life of me I couldn't remember their names. That didn't stop me from being friendly like I always have been, but it was strange that for the first time something like this bothered me.

Why did I care so much about pleasing these people with a friendly smile or entertaining interaction when I couldn't even be bothered to remember their names?

Why did I spend my whole life making sure I was in everyone's good graces when I should have just been focusing my attention on those I cared about most?

Why was I suddenly feeling tired of this charade? Should I just politely excuse myself so I can escape to my room?

Was my therapist actually right about my social anxiety? Was this more than just me being friendly? Is there actually something wrong with me?

My chest felt tight all of a sudden. It was as if someone was slowly pressing their foot against my ribcage to make it harder and harder for me to breathe. My hands felt clammy under the casts and I'm sure my complexion was paling by the second. My current company hadn't noticed the change in my presence yet, but I couldn't hold onto my mask for much longer. My fake smile was fading and I knew I wouldn't be able to formulate the words to answer the question they were currently in the midst of asking me.

Just before I reached the point of gasping for air and doubling over in pain, a small, familiar hand gently pressed against the small of my back and began to soothe me into a sense of security. I knew immediately that it was Bright standing beside me, even without looking at him or the confused expressions on everyone else's faces.

"Sorry to interrupt..." He said to the group with fake cheerfulness of his own, "... but Jedson and I had plans for lunch, so we better get going. We still have to order and eat before our next class, and we don't want to be late because our professor is a hard-ass."

"Aren't you two in different majors?" One of the guys asked suspiciously. "What class are you two taking together-"

"Nice seeing you all!" Bright slid his hand to my side to turn us around, and then called over his shoulder as he forced me to walk away, "Let's catch up later!"

Bright didn't stop moving until we were safely in the public men's bathroom of the cafeteria. Even though no one was in here at the moment, he still pulled me into the handicap stall for total privacy. He let go of my wrist, which he had taken hold of at some point to drag me along when pushing me didn't seem fast enough. He closed the door but didn't lock it. I just realized that he did the same thing in the shower stall the other night, almost as if he wanted to make sure I never felt trapped in a small space again. I would have laughed if I wasn't trying so hard to regulate my breathing. He had to know that it was impossible for me to feel trapped in a shower or bathroom stall when there's such a large space above and below the door to escape... plus, the lock was on the inside!