Taming Wild Roses [Chasing Liberty Series #1]

39

(A/N: SUPRISE UPDATE!! THANK YOU SA LAHAT NG NAG HINTAY. ILYY ALL)

"Ako na." ani ni Aiden pagkatapos marinig ang iyak ng aming anak. "Tulog ka na ulit."

Pinikit ko ang aking mga mata at natulog muli.

Ilang buwan na rin ang nakalipas matapos kong makapanganak. Tama nga ang sabi nila, masarap ang proseso ng paggawa pero sobrang hirap at nakakapagod pag may bata na. But despite that, every pain and hardship were easily removed when I heard her laugh and cuddle.

Neytiri is a sweet baby, palangiti at palaging masaya. Pero sa gabi, sobrang iyakin naman.

Minsan nga ay naawa na ako kay Aiden. Every night when our daughter cries, he always insists on taking care of her. Pagod na raw kasi ako sa maghapon kaya siya na lang daw ang bahala. In my defense, pagod din naman siya diba? Lalo na dahil hectic din ang trabaho sa ospital.

Pero dahil sa pagod din ay hinahayaan ko na lang siya. Babawi na lang ako sa paglilinis at pag-aayos ng bahay, and syempre sa pag aalaga sa aming munting bata.

"She looks like you." he said, one night when we were chilling on the sofa.

"Hmm." I smiled.

She indeed looks like me. Noong pinagkumpara ko ang aming larawan ay doon ko napagtantong nagmana nga siya sa akin.

"So it means, you enjoy the sex more?" aniya habang natatawa.

"What?"

"They said na kung sino raw ang kamukha ng bata, iyon ang mas nasarapan."

"As if." I rolled my eyes and looked at our baby who was playing with her toys.

"Admit it Roshan. I gave you intense pleasure that night." he winked.

Aba! Ang yabang!

"Fuck you!" I said, nangangamatis ang mukha.

"Oh? Right here? In front of our kid?" ngisi niya kaya agad ko siyang sinapak.

"No sex for you. 1 year. Mark my words." singhal ko.

Agad naman siyang umayos ng tayo at nagpaamo. "I'm just joking Roshan. Come here." inilapit niya ako sa kanyang bisig. Kinuha ko rin si Neytiri at kinandong.

Natahimik kami ng ilang saglit bago siya nagsalita.

He kissed my forehead first. "Thank you for bringing her into my life. And thank you for coming too." he said.

"You're just saying that para bawiin ko ang no sex for 1 year." pang aasar ko.

"Hmm, I can handle a year without sex. Wag lang kayong mawawala sa akin."

Agad naman akong napatingin sa kanya. I was looking at him in his eyes. He looked at me too.

"We have known each other for less than a year. We barely know each other." I chuckled. "But thank you too. For keeping and taking care of me."

"Less than a year? But it felt like a long time. Though I am not complaining, I want to spend more time with you..and our beautiful Neytiri."

"Unconventional family huh?" ani ko. "Neytiri will understand diba? I hope she will."

"Unconventional what?" he shifted his gaze to me.

"If you want to settle and find a wife, we can just do co-parenting." umiwas ako ng tingin.

"What?" lito niyang tanong. Kinuha niya si Neytiri at inilagay ito sa kanyang crib. Bumalik siya sa aking tabi at hinawakan ang aking kamay. "If you didn't hear what I just said, I'm gonna repeat it again. So lend your pretty ears."

"I want to spend more time with you. If you don't understand then let me simplify it." inilapit niya ang kanyang noo sa akin. Naramdaman ko rin ang malalim niyang paghinga.

"I like you Roshan. No..I'm in love with you. You made me fall hard, damn that!" ani niyang nagpatibok ng malakas sa aking puso.

Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko, hindi ko rin kasi inaasahang sasabihin niya ito. How should I respond? I am used to guys confessing to me, pero iba ito. Damn, kinakalawang ka na Roshan!

"Uhm.." saad ko, magkadikit pa rin ang aming noo.

"Shh. You don't have to say anything. I just wanna let you know so you won't ever think of me, finding another girl."

Tinanggal ko at pagkakadikit namin. Umusog ako ng kaunti upang makita ang kanyang mukha.

He's handsome, average lang pero malakas pa rin ang dating. Chinito siya, kaya tuwing ngumingiti ay lumiliit ang mata. He has soft features, hindi nakakatakot tingnan.

"You've liked me ever since we were little, right?" I tried to act as calm as possible.

"What? How-damn, they told you?" ngayon ko lang napansin na mas pumula ang kanyang pisngi. Cute!

"Veronica told me, as an apology." I laughed, pero may kaba pa rin sa dibdib.

"Oh that kid!" hinilamos niya ang kanyang kamay sa mukha.

"Pinikot mo ako noh?" pagbibintang ko.

"Hell no! I don't even know it's you. I mean..that night at the bar, I kinda chose you since you remind me of my childhood crush."

"And I'm that childhood crush hmm." proud kong sabi.

"Yes you are." hinila niya ako para sa isang matamis na halik.

Do I like him? I don't know.

Hindi ko talaga alam.

And I don't know how to categorize my feelings.

"I'm sorry if I can't answer you right now. About your feelings. But, thank you. For liking and appreciating me. For loving me for who I am." I honestly said pagbitaw sa pagkakahalik.

"I will make you fall in love with me. Damn I would do anything!"

"Anything huh? Am I that worthy of your efforts and all?"

"You always think low of yourself." he lifted my chin. "You're precious and special, you deserve everything good in the world."

"But..I'm a mess.." that's true. I'm broken and I don't know how to fix this. "I'm fucked up."

"You're thinking like that because you're living in the past." mahina niyang ani.

"Don't live in your past Roshan, that does not define who you are. Use that....use your past, your suffering and pain as a stepping stone in becoming the best version of yourself. And I know you're trying so hard to improve in everything. With that, I am so proud of you." he smiled.

"And don't you worry my dearest, I am always here for you. Supporting and loving everything you do. I always got your back. Remember that hmm."

His words reached through my soul. Unti unting nabagsakan ang aking luha.

"I...I am a slut. I am used by different men, for pleasure and such. I am a rebel. I defy my parents every time. I am selfish and hardheaded. I am a pain in the ass. I don't....I don't deserve you. You're good and pure, while I'm this..."

"You think so highly of me huh? I'm not a saint Roshan. And everybody makes mistakes, it's part of life. You're still young. We still are. We're still learning and growing day by day." hinawakan niya ang aking pisngi.

"Try to love yourself more. Try to appreciate every good thing in you. And those bad things? Let's change it. It's not too late for character development. Baby steps lang Roshan, you'll get there in no time."

Suminghap ako bago nagsalita. "Thank you. Thank you Aiden!" ani ko at niyakap siya.

He's right.

I should love myself more.

It's dumb you know? Na kung saan saan ako naghahanap ng pagmamahal, nakalimutan ko ang sarili ko.

Sino pa bang magmamahal sayo kundi ang sarili mo?

Maybe that's why I can't give love, or I don't know how to love others. Kasi sarili ko mismo hindi ko mahal.

"I'll try to love myself first Aiden, then let's see what awaits the both of us."