13th Street (MxMxB)

Begin Again

17
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"I'm sorry."

His beautiful blue eyes stared at me with such genuine sincerity to the point of suffocation. I didn't know that even good feelings could be this suffocating. It's not that I don't understand why Qen ignored me that time. Me myself didn't see it coming, I never expect good Enzo to hurt me.

It's not their fault entirely, I...

I just didn't expect it.

"No.. uhm... I.. It's okay, okay I guess.." I was nervous for no reason. My limbs are still numb whenever I see them but

"I'm fine, thank you, Qen."

Qen took a step back. He was almost out of my door frame and I don't know why I feel so relieved even though I still wanted to speak with him a little longer. Was I unconsciously afraid? but I shouldn't. It's offending, they'll probably hate me now.

No one entered my room after I woke up the next day. Mom did but for a second and the next thing I knew Qen was standing outside my room. The door was left open since Elijah was worried I'd hurt myself and I don't have the courage to speak with anyone for the whole day so maybe that's why Qen is here trying to make me feel comfortable again.

But I didn't.

The mere thought of the boys touching me is making my insides tremble. I'm not afraid, it's just that... I remembered my fathers face again and again. I know they are different, I know they care for me, they makes me feel happy and safe and... and I know, I know I'm right.

Why am I desperately convincing myself?

They are good guys nothing alike my father but they scared me the way he did, they touch me the way he did, they left scars the way he did, they... they act the way he did.

"You're not fine." Enrique said as he sat down leaning further across the room, somehow I felt empty but at the same time I felt safe. Why am I like this? I felt disgusted of myself for being so afraid.

"I... I know it would end up like that and I think it was okay since you're doing fine up until recently. You smiles a lot and the panic attack lessen too... you even wanted to go outside and socialize. I... I thought it would be fine but then Lance... Enzo might be a lil' extreme but Lance... I thought."

He stopped and look down. Lantice is a really reliable and kind person, maybe it was my fault in the first place, they don't have to fight. it was my fault that I suddenly barge in their lives like that.

"Sorry... I was just making excuses. It's my fault." No, it was not.

"I felt so guilty that I cause you to break down in our very first meeting and I got angry knowing you're Luciano's child even though I know you're just another victim but still... I'm mad. I hated you. but..."

He looked at me and slowly got up. he didn't try to lessen our distance, in fact he even step further away. It makes me feel so cold.

"But you're not at fault. It was never your fault. You have to remember that. You did nothing wrong in fact you're too innocent to take the blame. It's never your fault. okay?" He smiled gently and then walk away.

I looked down. What? W-wh... Why did he say that? I didn't know why but my insides felt so warm and my face started to heat up. Qen Qen smiled at me.

What am I doing?

~

"Sky?"

"...Mom."

I woke up from her gentle and alluring voice as she lay a tray of soup on my table.

"You have to eat." She shortly said.

She cleaned up after a while and sat beside me again. it was the second day of us doing the same routine every night. I was unable to go out my room and after Qen, no one else was allowed near my room for the mean time. Mom said that they agreed to wait for me and I can hid as long as I wanted to but still, it doesn't felt right.

"Sky." she held my hands and I muster not to tremble from the slightest contact. "I know how hard it was to be somewhere unfamiliar to you. Luciano, you're father... did a lot of things and I understand that the boys went too far. You're scared I know, we know. Everything is new to us as it is to you, they don't know your limitation and as far as I had observed you don't complain at all."

She looked me directly in the eyes and I felt her hands trembles. "It's not your fault. You didn't know the world and the difference between love and abuse. Sky, what I mean is, it's okay to be mad. You can scream and cry all you want,you can even punch them straight to the face and I'll even cheer for you."

I laugh imagining the situation and she smiled after that.

"Sky, It's okay. If you are angry. It's okay. If you are in pain or if you didn't like a single thing, it's okay. Even if you are too happy or too sad, everything is fine as long as you know it's for you. You yourself is doing okay. You can be afraid, or a coward, you can be a brat or bitchy sometimes too, just like Canary and Elijah. You can even be playful and pull some pranks just like Jack and Linx or be as good and silent as Ash and Vaughn. You can be anything you wanted to be. We will understand and definitely help you all the way."

I can be anything?

Is it really okay to be happy? Is it really okay if I'm not strong at all? is it okay to e mad at them for acting like my father? but.. but.

"Azure, no Sky, my beautiful son. I will accept you no matter who you are."

My mind is blanking out. No thoughts can be heard and all the voices screaming to run just vanished. My eyes started to water as Mom hugged me so tight. It's okay to be with them, to be happy with them.

"Can I... can I like them like this?" I cry as I hugged mom tighter.

"Yes, of course" She laughed "And I believed it is the same for them."

I may not understand a lot of things and still lacking but... it's okay. The important thing is It's okay to be with them even if we are angry, or sad or happy.

"Hughhnm... I'm so glad outside existed."

🙃

I'm so sorry. It took a lot of my brain and stamina to kill my laziness.