The Waitress and Her Alpha

| XXXIII - Realization |

The pack drank until the sun peaked over the morning dew. I should've joined, but nothing in me wanted to stand side by side with them while they screamed in joy for their new King. Ares and I retired to our room; our bodies tightly knit beneath the chilled shower water. Our skin had been coated in blood, silence a cement wall between us. He'd washed me, I'd washed him, and then we laid side by side in our large bed. Neither of us brought about the conversation of the day's events. Now I stand in front of the mirror with my hand against my flat belly.

The baby's wolf left me with a final gift. Healed me to bare another child without issue. I look as though I've never held a child within my womb, even my mind plays tricks like the month of hell I've gone through was nothing but a hazy dream. Emotions are everywhere. On one side of it I wasn't ready to be a mother. I didn't want the child, drank the tonic to prevent them, but then I had them. Saw their little body growing with me. I watched my body change for them, felt the wolf's pride mixing with my own... my world changed.

If only for a moment.

For just a moment I felt like I could do it. Be the mom, the superhero, possibly love another more than I love myself. No. I had loved another more than I'd loved myself. And yet I failed to protect it. I let my guard drop around someone that was once a friend. Then my weak human body betrayed me. This mark can give me all the wolf mocks it wants, but I'll never have the lean strength these she-wolves possess. Maybe I could've protected them. My mind is locked from Ares. I'm sure he's having the same thoughts, possibly worse.

But our lips stay sealed around one another.

I mean how do you approach this?

Our child is dead, I've killed your mother for respect, and it was her dying wish for me to win against her? I'm sorry?

The words don't sit right. Explaining to the man I've grown to care for that his mother came to my bedside with the fighting gear, begging me to take her life using the anger that coursed through me... it seems so impossible I don't want to attempt to explain it. I can't imagine he's angry, but I wouldn't be joyous. I'd promised to help her beat addiction, let her live without worry, but I became her biggest betrayal. What is this world? Can I truly go on living like this?

The pack supported me before because I'm the mate of Ares, now they respect me because I won a deadly fight against the previous Luna. I've earned my title in their eyes, gained my safety to walk the streets. Mrs. Gray spent time explaining every detail, then put me back to sleep so we could keep it from Ares. He would've held me back. I possibly would've let him too. I didn't know I'd have the capabilities to take a life until that moment. The bone felt right between my fingers. Driving it through her collar, feeling the pop of her shoulder, it was luxurious.

That type of thought terrifies me. The thoughts that I liked taking the life of another. And if it's true, will I control the blood lust? Or will this life only encourage it? The answer is clear. Mrs. Gray isn't the only life I'll take, and I'll enjoy every moment of it. I felt no anger when I watched her life drain. In the beginning I used it, called the bone claws that slit my skin, but then I felt nothing. Only the need to see her slump controlled me, to taste that power people have held over my head for years.

I get it now. Why they held it.

That kind of power could be addicting. Controlling another to the point you can bend them to your will, demand of them anything and they must listen, complete fucking submission to your hand... I. Fucking. Get. It. This knowledge will change me just as much as the child had. I've learned of new experiences, new perspectives. No longer can I shove myself in a box built for a mouse. I can't hide behind the Alpha until the false pretense of strength. It's my time to prove myself.