After Her Love

1. The wrong woman

This was all I could ever ask for... The way her body was wrapped around mine. How her soft lips collided with mine.. This was something I had been waiting for so long and now I could finally feel her and touch her. I loved to hear my name escaping from her lips, it sounded so perfect, like it was made for her to call it out...She belonged to me... And only me. She has been the forbidden fruit for so long and it felt so weird to even be with her but at the same time, she was all I wanted. This was like a dream..

And that's what it was. By its all meaning, just a fucking dream. Nothing else than a dream. A dream I kept on seeing since she dropped me the bomb about her past with Joel and I was so stuck in it that it was still haunting me no matter how hard I tried to let go of it. She was someone I fell hard for.. She was the woman who broke my heart even though I knew she didn't mean to do it. But I guess we were never supposed to last... Not with that package she had. I don't have anything against people's past but I prefer to know if I am about to commit myself to something. There was too much for me to handle and well, this is the result now.

"Aleksi you are so stupid..." I whispered to myself and sat up. I sat on the edge for a while, looking out the window and shaking my head, before I felt ready to get up. That dream was a curse I'd be taking into a grave with me one day. How stupid I was to fall in love with Robyn? How stupid I could be to really think that there could have been a future for us and that Joel would actually accept the fact that I was dating his ex? Well, he didn't seem to be bothered about it, he even encouraged her to be with me.. But it was all too good to be true. If I had known about everything before, then maybe things would be different now and maybe it would be me who was going to stand by her side at the wedding venue today and not Joel. Yet it was him. After all these years, she still had a strong bond with him and she was going to marry him.

"God..." I leaned against the sink and sighed. This was going to be much harder than I thought. Even though it has been a year and a half since our short romance happened and we're still slowly fixing the damage it did to our friendship, it was still difficult to get over it. She used to be my closest friend, just like Joel and honestly, I missed her as a friend but it was still a little hard to go on like nothing had happened. Yes, I get it that the past they had was tragic and terrible but like Joonas told me sometime after Robyn and Joel got engaged, that the connection they have is some higher level astrophysics and there is noone on this Planet to understand it. He was right and I had no option than just digest the fact that I was never going to be someone to replace Joel. Never. But every time I saw her, all the memories were slammed right at my face just like that.

After I was done showering, I walked to the kitchen with the towel wrapped around my hips and turned on the coffee machine. Just when I was about to take the mug, my phone started to ring somewhere in the house. I ignored it at first and placed the mug under the machine, but the phone started to ring again and I could already guess that it was Joonas or Niko to remind me that I was supposed to pick the guys from the hotel. I followed the ringtone and found my phone from the sofa, Joonas' name flashing on the screen just as I had expected.

"Morning.." I answered and a yawn escaped my lips. Thanks to the endless nightmare I kept seeing about Ro, I hadn't really slept too much last night.

"Morning little man. So, are you coming or...?" Joonas asked quietly.

"Yeah, I am.. I'll be there around two like I said..." I answered and walked back to the kitchen to take my coffee.

"Dude... It is two and Joel is about to lose his shit any moment now..." Joonas said with an extremely calm voice but once he had said that I removed the phone from my ear to check the digits on the corner of the screen. Fuck.