After Her Love

27. Decent excuse

Iiris' Pov

The sun kept on shining into my eyes through the blinds. I lifted up my hands to cover my eyes so I could continue to sleep for some more but it did not seem to work. My head was hurting and my throat felt like sandpaper.

"Fuck.. " I whispered almost with no voice at all and fully opened my eyes, just to see that Aleksi was sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning his hands on his knees and covering his face with his hands. I could see that he was already regretting what happened between us last night. My emotions, on the other hand, were mixed and I did not know what to really think about it. I was mad at myself that I let it happen in the first place, that I let him kiss me, undress me and have me... But what we had last night was something I had missed. I have been missing the feeling of pure feelings... Being treated with respect.. But last night probably was not the right time for that.. No matter how good his body felt on mine or how the kisses gave me hope that not all men were like Rauli.. I felt guilty that I kind of led us into this situation.

"I'm sorry..." Aleksi whispered when he finally felt that I have been staring at his naked back for a while now. He did not look at me but stayed in the exact same position he had been for some time now.

"I'm so fucking sorry, Iiris.. I should have not.." His voice was cracking like he was crying or had been crying, I was not sure which it was.

"Don't be.. I... " I did not know what to say. It was not his fault.. It was me who stated the topic by asking all those stupid questions and giving even more stupid answers to his questions. It was me who created the situation we were currently in and if anyone should feel like shit then it was also going to be me and not him.

"But I kissed you. I pulled you out of the bar, dragged you here and..." The guilt that was reflecting from his tone killed me. He was suffering.

I sat up, covered my body with the blanket and sat next to the man. Hearing him blaming himself hurt. If I had kept my mouth shut then we would not be in this situation.

"Aleksi, I'm sorry.. I'm sorry I started the stupid topic at the bar.. That I... even mentioned sex... It was me who was giving the mixed signals and I did not even think about it then... It's my fault.. "

This was never supposed to happen. I was never supposed to go this far with Aleksi because I was not going to stay here for much longer and I did not want to create any more heartache for him. Now I have done all of that and I feel like the worst person on the planet. I knew how he was already hurting because of Robyn and now I only threw some oil into the flame and I did not want to play with his heart. He did not deserve it.

"I'm gonna take a shower.. " He stood up, not looking at me for once and went into the bathroom. Once I saw the door closing I leaned down on my back and cursed the hell out of the situation. Things were never going to be the same with Aleksi anymore and the fact that I was leaving on Wednesday did not feel that awful in this current situation. I still did not know how to tell it to him but I guess right now it did not even matter. I had fucked up my friendship with him anyway and it was probably the best choice to get out of his life too so that I would not fuck with his heart anymore. Not that I even was planning to do so. Not that I even planned to be a part of his life at all.. But now his home was the only place I could be without being afraid of Rauli finding me. I had no idea how uncomfortable it was all going to be for the next few days.

After fifteen minutes Aleksi stepped out from the bathroom, only a towel covering him. I was still pretty much in the same position, not even knowing if I wanted to leave the room at all. Quietly, Aleksi put on his clothes and fixed his look in front of the mirror. He looked a little better after the shower but just like I, he did not know what to say or do.