After Her Love

25. Broken record

Iiris' PoV

As expected, the ride took something like eight hours and I could not feel my ass once we finally arrived at the hotel. My back was killing me and I could not think of anything else than jumping into a hot shower to give some love to my muscles that were screaming in pain.

"Oh girl... We still have to drive the whole way back on Sunday." Yasmin laughed after I had complained how my body was hating me for doing this.

"That does not help at all.." I moaned and took my bag. Usually I was not this whiny, but I just hated the long car drives. Once we all got our stuff, we walked to the reception area which of course was filled with some fans which made me stop like into a wall. Having no idea how I should react, I pulled my hood up to cover up my face because the instant fear of accidentally being photographed jumped into my mind. There were at least a million different reasons why I did not want to be noticed, one of them being recognized from the photos, which would give Rauli some idea of where I was hiding. Other reason was not to be noticed at all... I did not want anyone to see me around these guys, for safety reasons, and I did not want any rumors to start about me and Aleksi either. The fans were nothing new to Robyn and the others, who patiently waited while the photos were taken and so on, but I had backed out and waited by the vans until the ground was clear. Obviously it took some time and eventually also Aleksi noticed that I was not behind him as I was before. I could see him looking around so I finally made my way back inside.

"Where did you go?" He asked, worrying a little. I pointed to the fans who were already walking down the street.

"I did not really expect that kind of welcoming.."

"Right.. Sorry.. I completely forgot to warn you about that.. Tho I have no idea how they always manage to find out where we're staying.. But, they're gone now so you don't need to hide behind the cars anymore.. " He smiled and started to walk towards the receptionist's desk. Miryam and Niko were just finishing their check in so we were going to be next. My mind was already causing all kind of stupid thoughts in my mind. What if the receptionists thought that we were a couple? What if they were going to spread some rumors about us? What if Rauli found out I was here with the band and thinks that I cheated on him with Aleksi? All those thoughts made my head spin.

Without even me noticing, Aleksi had checked us in, and waved his hand in front of me.

"All good?"

How many times has he asked that from me during the past week? A millions, for sure, because I apparently looked like I had something wrong all the time and it made me feel stupid. On those moments I started to count to the moment when I could just jump into a plane and fly away.. But at the same time it was tearing my heart apart because then I would have no one to lean on when I felt down.

"Yeah.. yeah.. let's go.. I really wanna go to the shower.." I started to walk towards the elevator. The others had already gone up and we were the last ones because of me. What was there in me that Aleksi even bothered to deal with me?

Our room was on the fourth floor, next to Joel's and Robyn's. Miryam and Niko were on the opposite, Tommi and Yasmin next to them and Joonas and Pauline were on the other side of the Hokka's. Olli was already at his parents' place even though I still did not figure out why he went there instead of staying here with Aleksi. I would have managed alone in the room as well and that would have saved me from all these stupid imagines in my head.

Once I had taken off my shoes, I went straight into the bathroom and stripped down my clothes. My body was screaming after the warm water and I did not even plan to get out any time soon.

The last time I spent this much time in the shower was in Tallinn and obviously thinking back to it made me cry. Reliving the memories of showing my body to Aleksi, telling him what really was going on made me feel so weak but so strong at the same time. Most of the bruises were gone by now, but some of the previous fight were still there but also about to fade away anytime soon. Once they were all gone, there would be no single trace of Rauli left on my body and I could just wish that the memories of him would fade as easily. Now I also knew that he had been lying about not finding any jobs if what Henri told me was true. I still had not answered him and he had not written anything back. Maybe I should ask him to tell me more about Rauli and the job offers, but I was not sure if it was a smart thing to do. Did I even want to know? He always got so mad when I asked if he had been to any job interview or even found anything... But if things were as Henri told then Rauli just enjoyed the good life out of my wallet and it made me sick. We could have been happy again... Both having our own income and maybe even getting our old apartment back... But he decided not to take those offers and even if he did, would that guarantee the change in his mindset? I knew he was feeling bad for not finding a job, or that was what I thought until now... I thought he was just living his bad feelings out on me but there had to be something else going on with him. It was not just the loss of the very good job that drove him into that state.. Nothing threw him into that state because that was who he really was, an abusive piece of shit. It was all in his nature after all and he managed to hide it so fucking well until to the point where his perfect World started to crack under his feet, sucking him into a real World where you have to stand up for yourself. Like I did. I finally stood up for myself, for my own life.