After Her Love

10. To the hell and back

TW: Domestic abuse

Iiris' PoV

Rauli stopped the car in the parking lot of our condo and we got out. I had a weird feeling crawling up my spine and I knew the reason for it. Those girls did not choose the bar randomly, they knew I was working there and what confirmed me that was the way they tried to get into a chat with me. I did not have anything against chatting with the customers, I loved it. But this time it just didn't feel right. Being with Rauli has taught me to read people quite well and I was sure that this had something to do with what Aleksi saw. And my mood was not left unnoticed by Rauli, who paid a suspicious look on me while we were waiting for the elevator.

"What is it?" He asked, not sounding like he was worried, more like curious that why I was staring straight ahead and not saying a word.

"Nothing.." I sighed and tried to act more normal. I could not tell him that I had a feeling that I was being spied on by the Blind Channel ladies because it would only create more drama between us and I did not need that. The week had been okay so far but it could change any second, especially if I told him that his little stunt has put a label on us and I had to think out stupid reasons of why he was acting that way with me in public. This situation did not bother him the way it bothered me. He was not the one who was getting weird looks. I had to deal with that. The elevator reached the first floor, we got in and Rauli pushed the button that would take us on the seventh floor. Neither of us said a word while going up and I was thinking if the silence was a good or bad sign. There was always silence before the storm and with Rauli, 99% of the time it was accurate. Everytime if things were going sort of ok, it would end just like into a wall.

"Do we have any food left?" I asked after closing the door. I was starving after the long day and especially because I did not eat much before I left. That was my own fault obviously, but I just did not feel hungry earlier. Rauli kicked off his shoes, threw his jacket on the chair and walked to the sofa.

"Nope." Was his short and simple answer, causing me to sigh silently and in hunger. This was not the first time he left me without a meal. Maybe it was my fault that I did not ask him earlier if we had anything left so that I could have asked if we could go to McDonald's or somewhere to get some take away. Or maybe I was being too optimistic that Rauli would actually think about me for once and leave a portion for me. It hurt. It made me feel that he did not care about me at all. I never seemed to learn...

"Why did I even ask anything.. " I sighed and walked to the kitchen to check if we had anything that I could eat.

"What did you say?" Rauli suddenly got up from the sofa and I realized that I was thinking out loud. My breath got stuck and I had to think quickly what to say in response that would please him somehow and save me from getting beaten up.

"N-nothing.. I was just wondering if we have anything..." I turned to him and tried to hide the fear that was trying to be painted all over my face. Was this the storm that I was waiting for?

"Really.. I.. That's all I was thinking about.. " I found myself overexplaining again and it was a sign of a panic for me. Rauli was already so close to me that he could read the tiniest lie from my expression but I worked hard not to show any.

"I really hope that's what you said." He then turned around and walked to the fridge from where he took out a can of beer and made his way back to the sofa. I turned around and let out a long, quiet sigh in relief, and tried to calm myself down. That was a close call but I was sure that he did not believe a word I said. What he just did was his way of showing that he still had his power over me and I should still be extremely careful with my acts and words. One wrong word, one wrong move, one wrong thought... And he would slam me in the wall like a fly. I was that afraid of him but even more afraid of running away and getting out from this shit.