After Her Love

13. A punching bag

Iiris' PoV

Neither of us said a word while walking to the bar. I did not even imagine seeing him again and now when I did, I started to panic because I did not know if I should tell him or not. He already knew ... He wasn't stupid. Everyone knew and I was the stupid one trying to keep the show going on that everything was just perfectly fine. Guess I was the only one who believed that story. I was dumb enough to believe Rauli's promises too so why would I not believe my own lies as well?

Aleksi got us both some cocktails and we found ourselves a quiet corner table. My attempt to keep my eyes on the glass that was in front of me rather than on that blue eyed young man, who just wanted to check on me, was getting harder and harder with each passing second. Aleksi literally gave me the opportunity to get away from Rauli but I was too afraid to use it and now we were here because I got so distant and that raised a lot of questions for this young man here. He did not seem to even know where to start and to be completely honest, I did not owe him any answers. Then on the other hand, thinking back to the chat we had that evening and how good it felt to have a conversation with him, I almost had to tell him at least something. Fuck this was so complicated.

"I'm gonna ask you straight... " I started. I needed to know did he organize Joel's wife and her friends to the bar to spy on me. I wasn't mad because of it but a little distracted. It was all too much at that time, and it made me feel like I was a criminal and the girls were after me. Aleksi probably knew what I wanted to ask.

"Go ahead."

"Yesterday... Umh.. What were the odds that all the girlfriends of your bandmates suddenly appeared at the bar...?" Formulating that question was so hard because I did not want to sound like I expected them to be there because of me, but it all just added up. Aleksi looked down at his glass and from his face I already could see that he knew something about it.

"Mm.. Look.. I.. Can I also be completely honest with my answer?" He asked, and his blue eyes were already telling me half of the story. Those eyes just could not lie. They reflected the truth and honesty, otherwise they would not be as blue and clear as they were. Total opposite to Rauli's eyes which were also blue but so full of anger and hate. Instead of saying anything, I gestured to Aleksi to go on and sipped my drink. The alcohol was already affecting me and I was a little scared how uncontrolled my mouth would become once I was intoxicated enough. One part of me wanted to be completely honest with this guy, he meant nothing but good. My mind just did not let me do anything because I had no idea what the consequences of my actions would be. Even though I could already guess what Aleksi's answer would be, my palms started to sweat.

"I was worried.. What I saw that night.. It wasn't ok and I think you already know if you got the note I left you... "

Aleksi's number was still with me, just in case, but I did not dare to use it. On Friday I almost sent him a text, but I deleted it at the last minute. Thinking back to it, it was probably a stupid thing to do and I knew very goddamn well that I needed help. Asking for it was a completely different story.

"I got it... " I quietly mumbled while avoiding his eyes.

"I felt like... If I came to see you again then.. You would.. I dunno.. Get scared or feel like I'm intruding too close into your own, personal space so.. I.. I needed to check on you somehow. So.. I had to figure out a way.. They just did not get the same vibe as I got... " Of course they wouldn't. They saw nothing that night because it was all one, big five star movie with a fucking 20 Oscar worthy actors in it. I did not want them to know so I made sure I acted as normal around Rauli when he came to pick me up. We kissed, hugged, and left the place with a big smile on my face. What happened behind the closed doors was not their business. Aleksi, on the other hand, had one of his legs in between that door, and he knew a little too much. Not that it was meant to be so in the first place, he just happened to see what my life really was like. He saw the man that I was scared to death.