After Her Love

29. Two missed calls

Aleksi's Pov

My breath was getting stuck into my lungs, my hands were shaking and I just could not compute any of the words that were written on the paper with the most beautiful handwriting I had ever seen in my life. I red the letter again, and again.. And after the fifth time I finally understood that Iiris was gone. Even though she mentioned that the reason she left had nothing to do with the night we shared, that she had planned it for a while, I still felt like she wanted to escape the situation we were in and I could not blame her.. But I miss her already. I hate it that she left just like that, not saying a word... Not letting me say goodbye to her.. Wishing her a nice journey or whatever she was about to do.. To let her know that I respect her wish to clear her mind and figure out what she wants in life, it is her right.. But to leave like this? To leave me like this with all these unsure feelings about her. About us..

I sat on her bed for an hour, trying to digest everything. Most of the time I cursed myself that I was ready to tell her about my feelings, not even thinking that I could be hit with the ice cold water, I did not care.. I wanted her to know that I felt something that night. Something that I have not felt with anyone after Robyn... And now it was taken away from me God knows for how long and it did not comfort me at all that she felt something that night too.. Will I even be able to contact her while she is gone? Is she even going to answer my messages once she lands? I had so many questions but not a single answer and it was driving me crazy. Why do I always fall for those who are impossible for me to reach?

My sleeve was getting wet from constantly drying my tears on it so I stood up and left the room, Rilla following me. I made my way to the upstairs, pulled off my shirt and threw it on the bed. Just when I was about to step closer to my closet, my phone started to ring and I quickly took it out from my pocket in the hope that it would be Iiris.. But no, it was Robyn.

"Hey, have you heard anything? I'm getting worried, her phone is still out of range.." Robyn spoke before I could even say anything. I didn't even know what to say. How do I even tell her that she just left? I sobbed quietly, trying to figure out how to tell the news to Robyn. On a positive note, Iiris was alive and far away from Rauli. But she was also far away from me..

"She... " I started with a shaky voice.

"Aleksi, what? What happened?" Robyn's voice got serious now. Innerly I was cursing again because she should not stress and Joel would kill me if I caused her wife a misscarriage.

"She left... She is not here, she is not even in Finland anymore.." I sobbed. I fucking hated this. All I wanted today was to open up to her about my feelings but all I got was a fucking note, telling me to fuck off with my feelings until she figure if she is even ready for anything. I was so mad but at the same time I understood her side perfectly. I could not expect her to get together with me before she was ready to do so. Until today I was not even aware of her feelings about that night we shared but now I knew and she was not here.

"WHAT?"

"You heard. She left me a note, telling me that she needs to find herself and clear her head after everything she went through which is totally understandable.. But.. " I lost my words, partly because I did not want to tell Robyn that I was feeling so much more towards the girl than I was supposed to.

"But you're having feelings for her, right?" How the hell did she know? Did Joel tell her? Although she was smart enough to guess it.

"I.."

"Aleksi, I know you..." Robin sighed quietly on the other end of the phone, making me sigh as well. I sucked at hiding my feelings and she, if anyone, knows it.