Little Secrets, Little Bucky

Old Friends, New Circumstances

It was decided that Y/n would go back into her suite with Bucky to ease him down into his headspace. When he was ready she'd take him out into the living room, where Sam and Steve would be watching a movie. Hopefully it would take some of the pressure off of everybody if Bucky didn't have to be the center of attention.

"I need to be in normal clothes," Bucky said, once he and Y/n were alone in her bedroom.

"That's fine," she assured him, "I have clothes in here for you, remember?" Y/n knew how difficult this was going to be for him, if being in 'big' clothes made seeing Steve and Sam easier for him, then so be it. "You can wear sweatpants and one of my shirts if you want, it might make you feel more secure."

He blushed but nodded his head. As embarrassing as it was, the idea of wearing something that smelled like her sounded much more comforting than one of his own shirts. "Should I go get in the shower?"

Y/n nodded her head. "I'll be in there in a bit." In the last few weeks they had finally found a routine that got him into his headspace easily without unnecessary stress. He would take a shower on his own and then she would drop off clothes she chose for him on the counter. Once he'd dressed himself she would come in to blow dry his hair, combing out all of the tangles as she went. Then he'd be carried to the living room with his blankie and she'd just hold him close for a while, speaking softly about how loved he was and encouraging him to let go. Sometimes it took 5 minutes, sometimes it took 30, depending on how wound up he was, but eventually he'd be able to fully let go.

When Bucky got out of the shower he saw the pull-up that had been left on the counter. As he tugged it on, he thanked god that the ones she bought were discreet. No one would know he was wearing it unless he told them. He finished getting dressed and called for Y/n. She came in and sat him down, combing through his damp hair. Once it was detangled she grabbed a brush and the hair dryer and got to work. She scooped him up when she was done and carried him to the living room, settling him so that he was straddling her on the couch, clutching to his blanket. He tried his best to relax, laying his head on her shoulder as she whispered reassurance to him.

But his mind kept fighting. He was still scared about what he knew was about to happen. What if it was all a lie? What if it was one big scheme by Sam and Steve to hurt him? What if they managed to convince Y/n to get rid of him once and for all?

Y/n could tell that Bucky still couldn't let go. He voiced his concerns to her in a small shaky voice and she held him a little tighter. "I wouldn't let anyone hurt you, sweetheart," she said gently, "I love you so much, nothing could change that. No matter what happens today, you'll still be my baby."

Her gentle reassurance combined with the way that she had called him her baby sent Bucky spiraling into his headspace and he clung onto her t-shirt as a little whimper escaped him. "Mama." He mumbled out, unsure what he was even asking for. All he knew was that he needed her to stay close.

"Mama's here baby, it's ok." She stood up, rocking him from side to side, "Let's get you a bottle, yeah?" He nodded his head, realizing as his stomach growled that he still hadn't eaten any food that day. Once she made the bottle, she headed for the common area and Bucky hid his face in her shoulder. As desperately as he wanted the proof that Sam and Steve were ok with this he was still terrified of what was going to happen.

Sam and Steve had put the loveseat back in its place and were curled up watching Law and Order. Sam saw Y/n come into the room and quickly switched it over to the movie he and Steve had picked out, Who Framed Roger Rabbit. They weren't sure what Bucky was supposed to watch when he was little so they went for middle ground. The movie was interesting enough to entertain an adult but not so adult as to traumatize a little kid.