Little Secrets, Little Bucky

Two Dumbasses And A Baby

Bucky woke up on the very edge of his headspace the next morning and shoved it back. Last night had already been asking a lot of Steve, he wasn't about to make him get stuck taking care of some stupid baby all day. He rolled out of bed, careful not to wake Steve, and got into the shower, cheeks burning red while discarding his wet pull-up. He thanked whatever god was listening that he'd woken up before Steve, so the other man had no idea he'd wet himself. Once he was clean and showered he quickly got dressed in some of the clothes that Y/n kept for him.

Steve woke up as Bucky was getting dressed. He saw him holding Y/n's sweatshirt that he'd slept in, but he dropped it in shock when Steve spoke. "Mornin'," Steve rasped out, voice still rough as he woke up, "You big or little?"

Bucky turned bright red. "I'm big," he said quietly, avoiding Steve's gaze. "Thank you for last night though, I know it was a shitty situation."

"Eh," Steve shrugged, "It's no big deal, Buck. I got your back, remember?"

Bucky nodded his head, eyes still trained on the floor. He was fighting his headspace all over again, doing everything he could not to slip. A few hours wasn't nearly enough time to make up for how long he'd had to stay big but he couldn't let himself be little. Steve had done so much for him already, the last thing he needed was for Bucky to slip again. Especially since if he dropped he'd need a huge amount of attention. Babies were work, incredibly tiring work.

"Are you sure you don't need to be small for a little while longer?" Steve asked, noticing the anxious look on Bucky's face. "We can go play with your toys if you want, or watch Mickey Mouse, or we could even just sit on the couch for a while so that you can settle."

"You don't need to do this, Steve." Bucky was well aware that he was only offering all of this because he promised Y/n that Bucky would be looked after. The last thing he needed was for Steve to resent him.

"I don't need to do what?"

"Pretend that you're okay with this," Bucky mumbled, willing the tears in his eyes to go away. He was feeling humiliated enough without also crying in front of his best friend. "I know it's exhausting, I know that it's boring and lame and irritating. I appreciate you trying to spare my feelings but really, it's fine."

Steve's heart dropped. Was that really what Bucky thought was going on here? No wonder he was big, how could anyone let go with thoughts like that swirling around their head? "Jesus, Buck," Steve rubbed a hand over his face, "That's not even close to the truth. Yes, it's a little difficult for me, but that's because I'm still learning." Bucky still wouldn't look at him but Steve kept going, hellbent on making him understand that he wasn't a burden. "You're my best friend, and yes I probably wouldn't be able to handle being a caregiver full time, but this isn't full time. You're talking about the difference between having a kid and babysitting one. You're a sweet kid when you're little, you don't irritate me."

Steve heard Bucky sniffle, and realized that there were tears running down his cheeks. He was clearly losing the battle to stay big, but Steve hated to see him so upset. "Hey," he tried to get Bucky to look up, "I didn't fight tooth and nail to get you to call me Uncle Steve just to bail on you when you actually need me to fulfill that role."

Bucky laughed a little, finally looking up and Steve could see just how close he was to slipping. He didn't have the sixth sense that Y/n did for when Bucky was dropping, but he could see the way that his eyes went softer and he kept biting his bottom lip, most likely seeking a substitute for his paci. "Why don't you finish getting dressed and I'll make you some breakfast?" Bucky nodded his head and rubbed at his eyes, trying to remove any evidence of the tears that had been silently streaming down his face. "Bucky, do you want a hug?" Steve asked gently, trying to think of anything that could comfort the shaky little boy. He may not be completely little yet, but being little was never a prerequisite for comfort.