BL Short Stories||Oneshots|| WinTeam|| TeamWin || BounPrem || ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Failed

⚠️ [[  Warning : Self harm  ]] ⚠️

I failed.

I FAILED.

No one will like me.

Idiot

What of someone gets to know?!

Stupid fool! What have you done?!

Tears flowed down Teams cheeks as the words repeated in his mind, scolding him, prepairing his for what was to come. His heart hurt, it hurt so much, he could feel the pain inside, Team clutched his chest, trying to breathe in short struggling breaths through his mouth as he wept.

It was an automatic reaction he had developed. He was the only child, when he used to do something wrong he was scolded or hit but that was before. After sometime his parents didn't hit him instead they stopped talking to him as a form of punishment, not saying a word, expressing their anger and disappointment through their eyes and expression.

This had affected Team more, he had been so used to them scolding him that when they stopped doing that his mind took that position of scolding and degrading him, it was the only thing he had observed and learnt to do when he made a mistake.
He had gotten harsher and harsher with himself, with anyone else he could walk away or close his ears if the words hurt but there was no escaping himself.

He cupped his mouth, muffling the wail that came out a second later, he pressed his hand against his mouth harder till the sounds couldn't escape. Team stayed like that, holding his breath till his chest burnt and couldn't take it anymore. He cried letting the tears flow freely, he was in pain. His chest and head hurt but the voice in his head wasn't wrong, he knew it only told him the facts he already knew.

There was only one way Team knew of lessening the pain, the one way he had learnt to distract himself. Picking his phone up, he pulled himself up from the ground with the support of his bed and headed to the bathroom.

He had first done it out of curiosity, younger Team had been crying so much that day that everything had started to look grey, he had been curious about how it helped people. Why people who were sad did it, so he tried. He didn't understand it at first but after two - three more melt downs he started to get it. It helped. It was a way he could distract himself and not feel distracted at the same time. It was an expression of his pain, a physical reminder of his fault, one that he had given himself, sort of a self punishment.

Team never let it get out of hand though, he never cut deep enough for it to bleed a lot, never deep enough to cut something important. The ones on his arms were always light while the slightly deeper ones that might scar were in places people couldn't see. He made sure to care for them afterwords. It made him feel sane and in control.

Team closed the door behind him, he left his phone on the sink and took a new blade out from the cupboard cleaning it once before sitting down, huddled in a corner. Team rolled up his shorts, trying to clear the tears in his eyes before swiping the blade on his skin. They were fast and swift, leading to shallow long scratches that slowly turned a darker shade of red as some blood surfaced out. The marks would be hidden under his shorts, away from all the eyes.

Thats when Team was hit by a sudden wave of panic, what will happen when his parents got to know?! He imagined them looking at him with the same look of disappointment.

Their only child let them down of corse they won't like it. They'll think I'm useless. They'll hate me. They'll never talk to me again, they'll hate me.

The thought made him cry, he felt like someone was squeezing his heart, his throat hurt, his head hurt, his heart hurt, there was a sudden sharp sting on his thigh. Looking down Team noticed he had cut himself deeper than usual and the cut was bleeding. He quickly kept the blade down and got up. The cut wasn't too deep but but it would definately leave a scar. He had not meant to do that. Panicking Team got up and took a towel, soaking it before wiping all the blood away till the wound stopped bleeding.