Searching

Chapter 19

Searching
Katibah Elle
Chapter 19

Zuhair looked up at Tahseen, the misery and heartache painted across his green irises.

Tahseen finally saw a glimpse of the broken part of his soul, the part that resonated so deeply with hers.
Somewhere under all the layers of family façade, she knew that he was not only crushed by the twisted play of fate, but he was also dragged down by the society that refused to acknowledge his sisters mental state, a society that mocked him for trying his best to save her.

Her soul ached for him, for the teenage boy that had watched a loved one die.
For the elder brother, unable to protect his little sister from her own demons.
For the grown man right now, in front of her, brought down to his knees with the weight of guilt and suffering.

Tahseen could only blink back her own tears, not knowing how to comfort Zuhair.
How do you comfort someone who loved so purely, only to be broken so badly?

Tahseen watched Zuhair shake his head, as if trying to rid himself of what he remembered, but it was obvious that, that fateful day remained engraved in him, every second of despair.
Tahseen could see that Zuhair was overcome by even the smallest details.

The way he continuously rubbed the tips of his fingers, almost like he was searching for the lost touch of Aaliyah, just before she slipped to her death.
The way he refused to say her name, as if those very words might burn his tongue, the very last words that were dragged from his throat, as he watched her fall to her end.

What Tahseen did not understand, was why her family were so convinced, that the girl was murdered, yet Zuhair carried grief of such magnitude for the accident.

Tentatively, she reached out, very gently cupping his hands, slowly running her fingertips against his, "Oh Zuhair.." she murmured, aching for him.

Her hands on his, caused him to gasp and shudder, and Tahseen felt her heart expand, knowing he took comfort from her innocent touch, and at this moment it was all she could give him.

Zuhair cleared his throat and while grasping Tahseen’s fingers for dear life, he whispered, “The blur of terror after she fell, will be something I will carry until my own death.
I lost my mind in that moment, my first instinct was to jump right over, after her. Perhaps in an attempt to save her, or perhaps to test myself, if it was just one horrifying dream. I looked over the edge of the balcony and I saw her body, a tangled mess of bones, blood splattered across her face. I could barely make my legs move, I scrambled to the bedroom, looking for the house phone. I needed to call an ambulance, and that’s when I saw it. A slip of paper, tucked neatly, in between the pages of the phone book. Right there, in front of my eyes, a note with my sisters handwriting. Just three simple words, ‘I’m sorry brother.”

Tahseen gasped her hands trembling on his as he paused, shocked by his revelation, the final piece to the puzzle.

Zuhair continued, “At that time, I could not comprehend what I had read. Did she mean, she was sorry for insisting on staying with me at the lake house?
Or was this an apology for her strategic fall?
It could never be, my sister would never leave me like this, she couldn’t possibly play with her life in this way.
I refused to allow myself to believe it.
So, I shoved the paper in my pocket, and made the call.
I waited outside, by her body.
The police, the ambulance and my heartbroken parents arrived, each one of them asking me so many questions, while the only question I needed an answer to was, why?
Why would she make a game, out of taking her own life?
Why make it look like an accident?"

Tahseen stared at Zuhair, completely exhaust that at such a young age, trauma entered his life.

Zuhair shook his head, resting it on the wall for a mome, his eyes closed, "I looked into the eyes of both my mother and father, and I saw so much confusion amongst the pain.
With my hand in my pocket, scrunching up the paper, I made a decision.
A coin toss, either I salvage her memories or destroy them.
I chose to hide the truth.
I chose to protect my parents from something that could potentially break our family, something that would allow society to rage havoc during our period of mourning.
I chose not to tell my parents and the officials that my sister committed suicide, that I knew."

Zuhair shuddered, quiet for a moment.
He looked at Tahseen who watched him with wary eyes and he smiled without humor,
"I decided to play hero Tahseen and I lied.
Instead I chose to tell them, that I needed her help in fixing an outside light.
It was too heavy for me to handle alone, so I made her stand on the railing, held her hand while she helped me, and in negligence, I accidentally let go of her hand.
I didn’t have time to react, to grab her.
A simple lie, that made so much sense.
An unfortunate gruesome accident, by the cause of my negligence.
My parents lashed out at me, raw and unkind, but I welcomed it.
I didn’t want their last memories of her to be tainted by the true darkness that took her life.
After giving my statement, I was charged for negligence of a minor, under the legal age, that resulted in death by negligence.
Eventually the word went out to the press, and charges of manslaughter were thrown out.
It was a juicy society scandal, the golden Adam grandson, committing manslaughter against his only sister.
The rumours were sickening, from sibling rivalry, to wanting the most of inheritance, to being a self absorbed rich man’s son, leaving his only sister to die.
It was during this time in my life, that a tiny seed of dislike for her, crept in my heart.
She was dead, yet her actions left major repercussions that I had to deal with.
As much as it pained me, to watch my parents deal with such a shame to our family, under my name, I preferred it.
Had the truth of her suicide made its way to the ears of society, our family life would have been chewed and spat out in the worst form.
My parents would have been questioned of their upbringing, having the whispers of skeletons in the Adam’s closets, my sister’s chastity would have been mocked, her close relationship with me would have been scrutinized with ill intent.
I’d rather have the story of a sons greed for power, thirst for blood, ruin me, than have society disgrace a dead young girl, dragging her reputation and memories through dirt, and disregarding and degrading a mental illness that no one understood.”

Tahseen held onto Zuhair, catching his trembling form in her body heat, while her heart ripped itself apart, for completely understanding his actions as a young man, the sacrifice he was willing to make to protect the memory of his sister amongst the vultures of society.

She knew that now, no matter how much his words rang true of society, no matter how much she adored him for his faulted bravery, their love story was not going to be a simple one.