Searching

Epilogue

Epilogue
Searching
Katibah Elle

Two years later

Zuhair leaned against the doorframe, arms folded and he watched his wife.

Tahseen didn’t see him as yet, her gaze only on what was in front of her. Her hand lifted up with a flick of her brush, a stroke over the acrylic paint.
The pretty hues of pale saxe blue and turquoise swirled on the canvas, creating the water like impression of a lake.

Her intense focus paired with the smudge of paint on her cheek made her irresistibly adorable, and he was content to simply stare at her.

When he had first met Tahseen, he could clearly remember her restlessness , buried beneath the expectations of society and lost in her journey of faith.
And just when she began to unravel the chaos from within, they had lost their daughter Aaliyah and Tahseen stumbled upon a darkness that not only consumed her, it burned open a defenceless shell of sorrow… but that didn’t make her any lesser of a beautiful soul, that didn’t give him any reason to stop loving her.

Oh yes, it hurt and it was painful and for a time Zuhair really thought he’d lost her forever, but now…looking at her happily humming to herself, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Not to say the life was completely perfect and without any struggles, life was as life is meant to be… happy, sad, challenging and everything in between, but having her a part of his life was all that mattered to Zuhair.

She completed him so perfectly, every sharp edge and every curve of comfort, that he was so sure their names were entwined in the place of souls, The Aalam-e-arwah.

Tahseen lifted her head and noticed him looking at her, a subtle blush rising over her cheekbones.
She smiled back at him, causing his own heartbeat to stutter momentarily.

Placing her index finger on her lips she whispered, “The twins are having their tummy time, come in quietly.”

He grinned, quickly tiptoeing in the bedroom, excited to see his son and daughter.

He peeped over the cot and sure enough, six month old Uthmaan and Thuwaibah lay on their stomachs, cooing and gurgling at their plush toys in front of them.

“ Explain, why do we have to be quiet?” Zuhair asked softly.

“Because if they see us, they’re going to want us to pick them up, and I’m pretty sure little Thuwaibah will bring out the waterworks just for her daddy.” Tahseen teased.

Zuhair smiled sheepishly, “Yes okay. Guilty as charged! But she makes such a sad face and I don’t have the heart to see her cry.”

Tahseen giggled, and as if on cue, Thuwaibah looked up at him.

Her little pout turned down, and her nose pulled up with the sniffles.
He laughed loudly and reached out to pick her up, and she was instantly happy again.

Tahseen shook her head as she lifted their son up and cradled him in her arms and replied, “She’s figured it out, and getting exactly what she wants.”

Zuhair raised an eyebrow at her, “Yeah? I’m okay with that… so long as you admit that Uthmaan has you wrapped around his teeny fingers.”

Her eyes sparkled but she didn’t deny it, and it was that look of adoration on her eyes, the unflinching vulnerability of love that proved after every hardship; comes ease.

***

Tahseen sat on the grass, both of the twins nestled in her lap, as she took turns in feeding them the homemade banana and avocado puree.

It seemed almost surreal, sitting here in their garden home, beneath the warmth of the sun’s rays with her little family.
Once upon a time an afternoon like this felt far fetched, a mere figment of the imagination…yet here they were, together and content.

She watched Zuhair with a small smile, the chef at work for their picnic lunch, slicing up mushrooms and peppers whilst the rump of steak sizzled over the heated grill.
She was under strict instructions to stay away from the prep work, and she was more than happy to oblige.

With a soft sigh she leaned back on her elbows and closed her eyes, the slight gust of wind tangling her hair.

Basking in the moment, she was overwhelmed with gratitude.
Every single moment that she spent with Zuhair and their twins, no matter how exhausting or time consuming, was held with the utmost of importance.

And as happy as she was, the perennial tug remained in her heart, a special place reserved only for the memories of her sweet Aaliyah.
She no longer felt the crushing sadness, the weight of the pain rendering her without air to breathe.
Those memories that once tore at her, now served as a unwavering strength for taking care of little Uthmaan and Thuwaibah.

When she had found out she was pregnant again, she had no idea what to feel.
Once the shock of having twins wore off, the fear rose up again, taunting her that she’d lost a child once, she can lose a child again.
And whilst those silent evils tried to attack her, she refused to give in.

She’d continue to find even the faintest lining of hope, and if it meant she had to take a few weeks or months to find those most insignificant joys, then she would do it.

Tahseen had learnt that happiness was not synonymous to spiritual growth.
Growth isn’t bliss, it never was.

It’s the exertion of undoing the many years of obscure faith and carefully building, brick by brick upon a pure and firm foundation.

A slow but thorough process, with guaranteed results... all you have to do, is be prepared for the journey it will take on.

The journey is what holds the sweet nectar, from one horizon to the other, and each experience a for the soul

Tahseen looked up at the sky, the delicate white clouds scattered and dispersed, trailing across the azure skies, and just a single teardrop escaped the of her eye.
Remembering the times when she used to feel so forlorn, wishing to be anything but herself.

It had taken her a prolonged period of searching in earnest, before Tahseen found that she’s never alone.

The link between the creation and the creator is a mere single second of His remembrance, the sky, the trees and the earth a witness to her utterance of Alhamdulillah.