Searching

Chapter 47

Chapter 47
Searching
Katibah Elle

Tahseen fell back weakly against the mahogany dresser, every ounce of energy drawn out from her.

She could not explain it, but the second Zuhair walked out of that door, she felt uneasy, almost nauseas.

Something wasn’t quite right, and it wasn’t just that he agreed to let her go, by divorce just as she demanded.

It wasn’t even the fact that deep down, she knew she was making a colossal mistake by pushing him away, pushing at his limits.

This was more, so much more terrifying than that, but she couldn’t place where the feeling originated from.

Vaguely she could hear his exchange with her mother, the hurt in his voice easily masked, but she knew it well.

When she was sure Zuhair left the house, she was unable to stay in her bedroom any longer and ran to her balcony.
She fell into the outside bench, aghast. Tahseen had no idea what to feel, knowing that she hurt him.

The evening air did nothing to calm her, and again just like before, she found herself gasping for air, eyes watering and burning with the effort.
Her slightly high pitched pants grew more and more urgent every second.

She knew she was hyperventilating.

Tahseen knew she needed to breathe slowly through pursued lips; she knew that she needed to place one hand on her stomach, under her ribs and place the other hand on her chest, taking deep breaths and pressing gently against her stomach to release the air.

It was ironic that she knew exactly what needed to be done, but as of now all common sense flew right past her.

Memories of Zuhair came flooding back, and while her body was paralyzed by the panic, her mind tortured her and she was assaulted with the memories.
She remembered things that seemed  nugatory, at least in light of their painful loss.

There was one particular ordinary day that she couldn’t shake away.
The sun was bright and brutal, and the two of them were both too lazy to do anything other than stay indoors, relaxed.
Zuhair went out in their garden to take a quick work call and when she stepped outside to call for him, he was already waiting for her; mischief in his eyes.
He caught her by the waist, pulling her close.
And that’s when she noticed that he was holding the water spray above them both.
She squealed and squirmed, but Zuhair just held her tighter, his eyes crinkled in the corners, deliriously happy, not a care in the world that they were completely soaked through.

The way he smiled down at her, the left side of his mouth tilted slightly higher, his eyes darkening with love, a smile reserved only for her.
She could clearly hear the tone of his voice, the way the octaves dropped lower, and her name murmured with a husky reverence.

Closing her eyes, she forced herself to take a deep breath; struggling to grasp some composure.
And just when she thought she made it through the panic and it was all over, the recollection of Zuhair laughing with Aaliyah in their bedroom rang in her head. The sound of her daughter's giggle pierced her ears, causing the hair on her arms to stand on end.

The strange feeling was back, and Tahseen was very perturbed by the urgency it held.
She needed to get to Zuhair, she needed to go after him.

***

The wreckage before Tahseen caused her to slam her foot on the brakes, her car coming to a skidding halt.
She jerked forward, her palms hitting the steering wheel, but even with such a violent movement she didn’t bat an eyelid, her gaze focused on the car in front of her.

Through the heavy rain, she could make out that the car was completely destroyed, metal torn apart and strewn across the road.

It was only when she caught sight of the bent number plate on the ground, did she realize what she was looking at, and she screamed, a strangled scream that caught in her throat, “No! OH ALLAH, NO! ”

She chocked back a gasp, struggling to wrench open the car door, “Oh no! Oh no no no! Zuhair! ZUHAIR!”

Almost falling out of her car, she ran to the accident scene, the rain coming down harder, and she could barely see anything.

“ZUHAIR ! ZUHAIR! WHERE ARE YOU?!” Tahseen tried to scream, but the sound was lost by the downpour.

Her hands were shaking and without knowing, words of self reassurance were falling from her lips, “It’s okay . Zuhair is okay. An-Naseer, please let him be okay.”

As she walked closer, her shoes scraped on the broken glass; and when Tahseen looked down and she saw that she was right by the car, and it had capsized.

She immediately dropped to her knees beside the driver's door and rapped on the window, “ZUHAIR! Are you there? Can you hear me? Zuhair!”

There was no response.

Tahseen crouched even lower, pressing her face to the glass, she wiped the window with her hand, trying to see through the shattered glass.

“Excuse me Ma’am. Are you alright?” A voice shouted above her.

She jerked back and looked up, grateful that somehow a police officer had stopped. With all her panic, she didn’t think to make the call.

“I was driving by and saw the scene. I am here to help. Are you injured?” The officer came forward.

Tahseen shook her head, “I’m fine! I wasn’t in the accident. This is my husband’s car, we were driving separately…And I saw his car and I stopped but… I can’t see him. I don’t know if he’s stuck under the car. I’ve been screaming but he hasn’t replied. Please…you have to find him.”

The officer helped Tahseen up and steered her towards his car.

He placed a blanket over her shoulders and instructed that she wait in his car, “Ma’am. Please keep calm while I call for more assistance. In the meantime I will be taking a closer look at the accident, to see if I can identify anybody. I suggest you stay in the car and keep warm, this weather is not safe. I’m going to move your car to the side, and I will keep you updated.”

Tahseen shivered from the cold and dread, but nodded calmly in response.

She prayed fervently, something that was so difficult for her to do before but now, it was all she could hold on to.

Just as the paramedics turned up the officer waved them over.
“I’ve found a body. Male, dead on impact." Tahseen heard the officer inform them.
She bolted out of the car, but strong arms held her back, “Ma’am. I need you to get back in the car.” One of the paramedics held onto her, but she tried to shove him away.

“No!” Tahseen sobbed, “That’s my husband! I want to see my husband!”

The paramedics pulled her away, but not before she caught a glimpse of a blood soaked sheet being wheeled into the ambulance.