Lams Oneshots

57 - modern AU

I FOUND THIS IN MY DRAFTS ITS OK IG

i'm about this close 👌to a full on mental breakdown so here's a thinly vailed attempt to vent my feelings in the best way possible:

✨fanfiction✨

yes it is set in a mental hospital

tw: uh like suicide, murder, mentions of blood (i think that's it)

John

I stare at my new roommate as he walks in. I hate having to room with people. There's about no privacy in here anyway, you have to keep the door open when you piss for fucks sake, and now this? If he snores or has night terrors I might genuinely try to suffocate him.

He glances at me, and looks away quickly.

"You seem nervous." I say, breaking the silence.

"I just got thrown in a mental hospital, I'm over the fucking moon." He glares at me, the sarcasm dripping off his tongue.

"You're funny." I grin from where I was sat back on my bed, unmoving. "Don't worry, I won't try to kill you. That was last time. Besides, they don't usually put the murder people with roomies."

"Last time?" He asks, sitting on his own bed.

I flop down, sick of looking at his face and I stare at the ceiling. "Yup. Second time. I'm not fit for society," I puff out my cheeks. "Last time was for other people. This time I only tried to get someone to kill me."

"We only just met each other." You're over sharing John. He doesn't like you.

"Yeah, well, it's better to hear it now than awkwardly in group therapy together later."

"That's a thing?"

"That's the worst thing." I sigh.

*****

"It looks like blood!" My younger sister Mary giggles as she draws a line on her arm in red pen. "John!"

I walk over to her, and before I could react a red smear was on my hand.

"Johns bleeding." She laughs, her laughter bright and twinkling. I smile too.

"If only." My dad mutters from the other side of the room, rolling his eyes. He'd been pissed off all day, and taking it out on us. And I just couldn't help myself.

I took off my watch. I rolled up my sleeves, and I grabbed a knife from he kitchen.

I calmly walked over to him, and held the knife out. He looks at me weirdly, but I keep insisting until he takes it, unsure.

I turn my arms upwards.

"Go on. Do it." I say. He blinks at me. "Go ahead. Slit my wrists. Do it."

He says nothing. He does nothing.

"What are you waiting for?" I yell, my screams out of place in the quiet air. "Go ahead! Cut me! Make me bleed! Kill me, just fucking do it!"

Mary started crying.

"What are you waiting for?!" He scream at him as he stares at me. "Slit my wrists! Go ahead! Kill me. Finally fucking kill me! Just fucking do it! You want me to bleed that badly?! Fucking do it! Cut me! Go ahead!"

Martha started yelling at me to stop. Mary was still crying.

I didn't stop.

"Cut me! Go ahead, kill me, just fucking kill me!" I wave my wrists in his face, the tears streaming down my face. "Slit my wrists, go ahead! Kill me! Do it! Fucking do it!"

Martha started begging for me to stop. Mary screamed her lungs out. James was crying.

My dad did nothing.

I didn't stop.

*****

"Your dads a dick." He breaks the silence.

"Yeah he was." I sigh. I wonder how long I'm in for this time.

"Was?"

"I'm referring to him in the past tense to make him seem like he's dead. Therapy thing."

"Is it working?"

"No."

I hear him laugh under his breath. I smile to myself. I made him laugh. That was good. He laughed. Make him like you.

"What are you in for?" I ask, pouting, my gaze still fixed on the ceiling.

"We only just met man."

"It's better now than when everyone's crying together later."

"Do people cry?" He asks.

"You tend to be very emotional when you've tried to kill someone."

"Ok, ok fine." I could hear the dismissal and the smile in his voice. "Uh, trying to end myself again, plus I'm a little bit unpredictable anger wise."

"Ah, IED?"

"Kinda." He mumbles.

"So, Mr Anger," I roll over onto my side to face him. "What's your name?"

"Alexander. Call me Alex."

"Ok then Alex, I'm John. Don't call me Jack, that's what my father used to call me."

"What about Jackie?" He raises an eyebrow.

"Not unless you want to make me extremely horny." I stare at him as he blushes in a mix between embarrassed, confusion and disgust. I laugh.

time skip bc i forgot what i was gonna write here lol

My eyes cast around the group at therapy, before finally settling on staring at Alex. He doesn't look at me, he just looks very uncomfortable, staring at his shoes. Group therapy is a bad idea.

I'm not really paying attention to be honest. Why would I? It's all the same. I'm just sitting here with my legs tucked up on the seat, chewing on my nail. Why the fuck should I contribute?

"What about you John?" Nurse Mackenzie says, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Bite me." I hiss, ripping of the nail I had been chewing on and spitting it at her.

She sighs slightly. "You know John, I really missed your lovely contributions to group when you weren't here." She smiles at me.

"You too Mackie." I grin back at her.

They always try to make us do the serenity prayer at the end. Truly I have no idea. That's the type of shit you do in rehab. But it's probably to make us feel better or something, though I doubt anyone's religious.

We're supposed to hold hands and chant but Ive never joined in. The people next to me hold out for my hands but I flip them off and keep picking at my nails. Gods never done shit for my before, why should he now?

As they say the stupid prayer, Alex stares at me the entire time. I raise an eyebrow at him. Do you really believe in the words you're saying?

He stares back at me with cold empty eyes.