Eli Borrelli

18: ...Is hard.

Antonio POV.

Well, that went well. I really am a fucking mess. For fuck's sake, why am I like this?!

I stared into the eyes of my sibling, who I spent the last sixteen years missing, and I saw the anger and hatred boiling in them. I deserve it for the way I reacted, but they didn't. I was broken enough to see Eli's shell breaking. Anger was a thin layer, the last defense shielding you from harm, and I had just triggered it.

"Shit, I'm so sorry," I said dragging my hand down my face.

"Fuck you," Eli just spit out with venom lacing their voice.

I almost let out a sigh, when they didn't run away. That's probably what I would have done.

"All I've ever got was hurt, so how could I be dumb enough to think this would be any different," Eli sighed before and ran out of the room, with their sad little crutches.

As soon as they were out of the doorway, I felt a hand smack the back of my head, but I didn't even react. I fucking earned it.

"Look what you fucking did," Gabriele said going to hit me again, but Matteo stopped him.

"What the fuck Theo?! He scared them. You saw how they were," Gabriele yelled yanking his hand back from Matteo.

"Enough!" Alessandro yelled making us all stop in our tracks.

"Lorenzo," he continued motioning towards the door.

Enzo knew what to do, and ran up to Eli's room so fast I think it couldn't have been in a cartoon.

"Antonio, you need to control yourself," Alessandro said in an icy tone, making me shudder.

I nodded my head in shame before the anger rose in my chest once again. I know I have issues with my rage sometimes, but at that moment I was pissed, that my brothers weren't as angry as I was.

"I know I fucked up, but you should be angry too! Those bastards hurt them!" I called trying to get my point across.

I saw Alessandro tense and grit his teeth. He slowly closed his eyes, and if I wouldn't have known better, I would have said he let out a prayer.

"Of course we are pissed, but Eli needs us! They won't admit it, but they need us!" Gabriele said almost starting to cry.

"You're grounded for a month, and no allowance for two," Alessandro said before standing up and leaving the room.

Matteo soon followed him, so I was left with Gabriele.

"You know, you're a real pain in the ass. Fucking learn to read the room for once," he said before going up, probably to Eli's room.

I saw red once again. This time, however, it was mainly directed at my own stupidity. I let out a loud groan and hit the wall repeatedly leaving a huge dent in it, which I won't be able to pay for, since my allowance was canceled. How could I yell like that at them? They were so scared. They finally opened up to us, and I lost it. 

Before I even noticed, I was at the gym hitting the bag with blood grinning down my knuckles. Still, I wasn't satisfied. It wasn't enough to make up for what I did.

Eli POV.

I ran to my room and immediately went for my bag, before remembering, they took my stash. I let out a string of curse words and limped into the bathroom. I hastily went through the cupboards and finally found, what I was looking for. My little metallic mint box. I pulled out the razorblade and did what I do best.