Eli Borrelli

48: The Borrelli brothers (1)

Alessandro POV.

My whole life, I knew I was going to have to be the best. I was the oldest child and my father's prodigy, so I didn't have room for error. 

I remember my mother very well. She left, when I was ten years old, leaving me heartbroken. not only did I lose my mother, but I also lost my baby sister, and my family lost a part of themselves. We all closed in on ourselves and pushed each other away. My mother was very much not a loving woman, but compared to my father, she was a saint. 

My father made sure, I was the best in my class, and skipped grades in order to take over the company as soon as possible. My mother just sat there and basically did nothing about anything. I could see how unhappy she was with everything and decided to do anything to make her happy. So, I did whatever my father said, thinking it would make my parents happy, but it didn't. It just put more expectations on me. When you have excelled your entire life, it becomes the normality.

To be honest, I never wanted to go into my father's business, but I wanted to do whatever made my parents happy, or at least happier. So, I worked hard and did what was expected of me. I don't know what I would have done if I had been given space to find myself, but I know it wouldn't have been that.

My father didn't like me having emotions, so he beat them out of me. Not physically, but verbally. When I cried, he told me to toughen up, and that real men don't cry. He called me his daughter, the second I showed emotions, and he said it with so much venom in his voice, that I learned to not feel things. 

In the end, I started liking it. I was a feard businessman, that could get what he wanted from anyone, with just one look. I was the youngest CEO of a successful company at the age of sixteen when my father died, and the story of the year. 

My mother left us when I was ten, but I didn't cry. I learned not to. Six years later, my father died in a shooting, leaving me to take care of my brothers. Of course, legally, we were under the custody of Dimitri's parents for the two years before I took custody. We still lived on our own, and I worked endlessly to provide for us. Also, our father left us a lot of money, so we lived off of that for a while before I revived the company.

I didn't cry at my father's funeral, just like I didn't cry, when mom left. I knew, that if he would see me crying at his funeral, he would be more disappointed, than ever. He would call me a wuss, a pussy, or a little girl, embarrassing me in front of everyone.

I raised my brothers the best I knew how to. Gabriele was just eight when our father died, so I was practically their father from that day on. I admit, that for a while, I acted just like our father. I snapped at my brothers when they showed emotions before I realized how much I hated myself for it. 

I blame myself for how Antonio turned up. He was just nine when I took custody, and he was an emotional kid. I crushed that part of him, leaving behind an angry shell, which I will forever hate myself for.

I saw a lot of myself in Antonio. An emotional kid, with an exceptional brain, that just wanted to please everyone around him. When he hit puberty, however, he got angry. I guess he realized just how badly I had messed up.

Matteo, looked up to me his whole life. When he saw me pushing down my emotions, he did the same. Just another reason to blame myself.

I got better with my brothers. When Lorenzo told me he wanted to be a doctor and not go into the family business, I took it hard, but when I realized that was my father talking, I did a couple of calls and got my brother into the best medical school around.