Flowers (krbkdk angst soulmate au)

21

“I know, I look awful. You shouldn’t have to see me like this,” Bakugo whispered, turning his face back away from Midoriya.

“No, no,” Midoriya said, “You’re just having a bad day is all. And that’s perfectly okay.” A hand was placed on Bakugo’s face, his thumb rubbing gently over Bakugo’s cheekbone. Midoriya looked around the room, seeing its worse-than-usual state, with many days’ pile-up of laundry, and dishes. “Did this just start today?” Midoriya asked.

Bakugo shook his head, and he took a deep breath, as if he was gaining the energy to respond. “It started a while ago, today’s just the worst.”

“You didn’t tell me - or Eijiro.”

“I didn’t notice ‘til it got real bad.”

“How about we do a little self-care today then?” Bakugo hesitantly nodded, unsure of what this would involve. Midoriya pulled back the blanket a little further, encouraging Bakugo to get out of bed, just to reveal that he was still wearing his school uniform from the previous day. “Let’s get you in some cozier clothes first,” Midoriya said, already reaching into his bag and pulling out one of his hoodies and setting it on the bed. He had to do most of the work - finding the clothes, getting Bakugo out of his uniform, and getting him into the sweatpants and hoodie, but ten minutes later, Bakugo was out of his school clothes and sitting upright which was definitely progress. “Are you okay if I leave for a minute? If you aren’t, please tell me.”

“Yeah, I’ll be fucking fine. Don’t freak out,” Bakugo said, his voice lacking its usual snap.

Fifteen minutes later, Midoriya returned, holding two bowls of oatmeal and two cups of tea (Bakugo had no clue how he’d balanced them all). “Your dad made the oatmeal. He added apples and cinnamon for you too,” Midoriya said, passing Bakugo a bowl and a mug of tea.

“Thank you.” Bakugo sat silently on his bed as he ate, not raising his eyes from the bowl of oatmeal once. After just a few bites, he stopped eating altogether.

“Are you full?” Midoriya asked, noticing the bowl sitting in his lap.

“I’m just not hungry.” Midoriya took the bowl from Bakugo’s lap and set it on Bakugo’s side table along with piles of dishes from the past few days.

“Do you think you could take a shower? That sometimes makes me feel better.” Bakugo turned his head toward Midoriya, thinking of a response.

“Only if you’re with me,” is what Bakugo finally settled on. It felt like he’d been alone for so long, now that Midoriya was there with him, he didn’t think he could stand to leave his side.

“In the shower? Or just in the bathroom.”

“Shower, if not, bathroom, wherever. Just not alone.” He shouldn’t have asked Midoriya that - he didn’t mean to make Midoriya uncomfortable, and now that Midoriya was uncomfortable, he was going to leave. Bakugo was going to be alone again, without Midoriya there.

“Let’s go get some water running then,” Midoriya responded, interrupting Bakugo’s thoughts. Bakugo followed Midoriya all the way to his bathroom. It was strange to see Bakugo so quiet and subdued. Midoriya reached into the shower, turning the shower nearly all the way to hot. Turning to Bakugo, Midoriya reached his hands up, brushing over Bakugo’s hair. “We’re gonna need to condition this, for sure,” he said, running his fingers through the knotted hair. Once the water was warm enough, Midoriya asked, “Can you undress yourself?” Bakugo nodded, so Midoriya turned away, pulling his own clothing off as Bakugo did the same behind him. Midoriya held out a hand, steadying Bakugo as he helped him step into the shower.

It was warm, and the water pelting down on Bakugo’s back felt wonderful. He leaned forward, letting his head rest in the crook of Midoriya’s neck. He felt himself begin to tremble, as if he were crying without the tears. “It’s okay,” Midoriya whispered. He rubbed circles onto Bakugo’s back, doing anything he could to comfort the boy. Midoriya laid a hand in Bakugo’s hair, tilting his head back into the water. Bakugo sighed as he felt Midoriya began massaging shampoo into his hair. The touch was gentle, fingers rubbing his scalp, and gently working his way through the knotted hair.

Once his hair was fully soaked through with conditioner, Midoriya had Bakugo turn around and began rubbing a soapy washcloth in large circles over his back. There were more recent scars than there had been previously, but Midoriya thanked god that everything was still fully healed, and nothing from the past week that Bakugo had been on a downward spiral. Turning Bakugo back around, Midoriya rubbed the cloth over Bakugo’s chest and stomach, and tried doing the same for Bakugo’s arms, but Bakugo pulled away.

“What’s with your arm?” Midoriya asked, trying to lean to the side enough to see Bakugo’s arms held behind his back. “Come on, you don’t need to be scared honey.”

Bakugo hesitantly released his arms, placing them back at his sides. Midoriya carefully caressed his arm, holding it in between them, trying to see past the water falling over both of them. Gently, Midoriya brushed his thumb over the red irritated skin.

“What’d you do, Kats?” he whispered.

“If I don’t bleed, you don’t see it. The flowers,” Bakugo whispered back. He hadn’t meant to scratch himself, he had just done it in a fit of panic, and he realized that the relief wasn’t the same, but it was something, and Midoriya and Kirishima didn’t have to know about it.

“It’s still hurting yourself. You can call me, any time. You should call me, when you feel like that.”

Fifteen minutes later, both boys were out of the shower and wrapped in fluffy blankets. Bakugo had refused any sort of bandages on the irritated skin across his arms, which Midoriya was not pleased with. They sat together on Bakugo’s bed, and Midoriya held the other’s arm’s in his hands. He may have refused bandages, but Midoriya insisted on using some lotion at the very least, to hopefully make them itch less so Bakugo would be less likely to want to do it more.

When Midoriya began getting dressed, he heard Bakugo speak again. “Those are my fault,” Bakugo said, his brow furrowed in concern. Midoriya followed Bakugo’s gaze down to his own thighs.

Oh.

“Kacchan, none of that is your fault. At all.”

Midoriya pulled on a shirt, and walked back towards Bakugo and sat on the bed so close he was practically in Bakugo’s lap. “These,” Midoriya said, skimming his fingers over the pink lines on his thighs, “are not because of you, and never will be.”

“But-” Bakugo tried saying, but he was hushed by Midoriya.

“Let me tell you something,” Midoriya began saying, as he wrapped an arm around Bakugo’s back. “It was a long time ago - before you started self-harming, but do you remember any strange petals coming from the top of your head?” Bakugo froze for a moment and then slowly nodded his head. “You know, I can be really anxious. I was that way when I was a kid too, obviously. When everything got to be too much and I’d start to panic, I would scratch myself.” Midoriya lifted Bakugo’s hand to his head, guiding his fingers to a memorized spot on his head. “There’s still a bump there, from how much I would scratch at it. That’s self-harm, and I did that before you ever started self-harming, to my knowledge.” Bakugo let his hand relax, still pressed onto Midoriya’s head. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, I did this stuff, without even meaning to, before I even knew what self-harming was. None of this was ever your fault.”

“Do you still do that? With the scratching?” Bakugo asked, looking up to meet Midoriya’s eyes.

“It happens, occasionally, when I’m stressed and zone out a bit too much. But now, I catch myself before it gets too bad, like it used to.”

“Good.”

“Do you still think those scars are your fault?” Midoriya whispered. Bakugo shook his head, leaning forward, wrapping his arms around Midoriya’s back and burying his face into Midoriya’s chest.

Midoriya didn’t know how much time had passed when Bakugo did finally detach himself from his chest, but Midoriya had not minded. It was honestly nice to have the warmth of his boyfriend in his lap.

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