Never Enough | Luke Hemmings

Chapter 34

"You were red and you liked me because I was blue
You touched me and suddenly I was a lilac sky
Then you decided purple just wasn't for you"
- Halsey

**

The cool air of London pricks at my clammy skin when I walk out of the sliding doors of the buzzing Heathrow Airport. Autumn is well underway here.

Spotting my dad amongst the throng of people I feel a smile spread across my face. I was a bit late because a couple of girls inside had wanted pictures with me while I was waiting for my bags. I will always be overwhelmed during moments like that. Reminds me that even though I'm a mess and my world is on pause, the outside world keeps going and people know who I am.

"Hey, dad." I set the suitcases on the floor and hug him, wrapping my arms tight around his neck. His familiar scent of cloves and cedar wood wrap around me and I forcefully push back the tears that are threatening to spill.

"It's good to see you. Why do you look pale? Weren't you just in Australia?" He jokes and I can't help but laugh. Dad never passes on a chance to make a sarcastic comment.

"Didn't get out that much." I lie to him. If I hadn't dabbed on some makeup right before the flight landed, I would have looked even paler. He didn't need to know that, though.

"How was the flight?" He takes my suitcases from me and we walk to the airport car park. In my peripheral, I see two girls stop in their tracks when they spot me but I rush behind my dad before they can approach, pretending that I didn't see them recognise me. I didn't want to face more fangirls asking me where Luke was today.

"It was okay. Not my favourite exactly." I lie again, pulling the strap of my carry-on bag higher up my shoulder.

The long haul flight was my worst nightmare. I tried to sleep for awhile but my nightmares were having a field day in my head. I gave up on that and had started reading a book but dizziness took over after five minutes so I finally put my headphones on and drifted off.

"Where's mom and Danny?" I question. The last time I flew home, they were all at the airport. But of course, I don't expect an entourage to take me home from the airport, it's just that my mother not being present was odd. She always wanted to be everywhere.

"They're at home." He says, unlocking the car and putting my bags in the back. I nod my head at him as we get in. I understand, no one wants to be there to see a failure come home.

Dad pulls out of the gates of the airport and gets on the freeway, heading towards Primrose Hill. We sit in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before he finally breaks it, asking the question I've been dreading for the past hour since I landed.

"So, what made you decide to come home so soon? I thought you renewed the contract for the whole tour?"

I don't reply instantly because I don't know what I can possibly say. How do I tell him one of the band members fired me because of my emotional attachment to him? His question also reminded me that I have yet to contact my boss, Lillian.

I think of a way to sum it all up for him. "My—medication isn't doing what it's supposed to be doing."

"Oh? Why didn't you tell me? I thought that new therapist was helping you?" He frowns and I can tell this wasn't what he was expecting to hear. That I'm finally going crazy again.

I look out of the window, the streets are busy like it has always been. "It was helping me, I mean, yes, she was helping me... But I don't know dad, the travelling and people got to me." I fumble.

"Why are they getting to you?" He asks, momentarily taking his eyes off the road to look at me.

Dad knows what I've been through and I doubt I can bring myself to utter another lie to him today.